LoK Fluff
by Syvia
Summary: ~Complete~ You know those self-insert fics where nothing ever goes wrong for the main characters? This isn't one of them. Hi, I'm the Narrator. Watch as I make trouble for Anamae, Syvia and Bucky the chipmunk/squirrel as they journey through Nosgoth.
1. Departing Gate 7

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: We do not own LoK, anything that relates with/and/or the game in itself, Eidos and Crystal Dynamics. So you can't sue us because first off we have no money and secondly because after reading what has been written above, it just shows two girls having mindless and wholesome fun!

Syvia- Wholesome? The bit with you and Faustus later on is 'wholesome'?

Anamae- *clapping a hand over Syvia's mouth* Shhhhh!

Authors' Notes: The plot is simple and pretty straight-forward; Syvia and I somehow wound up in the Nosgoth world and decided to have as much fun as possible? Sounds good? Well then, get to reading!

Anamae- *looking up at the first line* Hey... since when was there a copyright thingy? 

Syvia- Since I got put on editing duty.

Anamae- And why was I second?! 

Syvia- What? 

Anamae- You put my name second!

Syvia- Well I'm releasing this under _my _account.

Anamae- But it was my idea!

Syvia- *groans* Fine! Fine!

Copyright © 2002 by _Demon Hunter Anamae _& Syvia. All Rights Reserved.  


Syvia- Happy now?

Anamae- ^_^

Chapter 1

Departing Gate 7

  
  
  
It was a simple day in Nosgoth unto itself. Well, not as simple as some would like. Granted, the crops were bad all over the countryside and there were the usual fires, floods and famine, but overall people were content as honest, soil of the earth folk are.

The vampires were being persecuted by the Sarafan, who had just finished constructing their new HQ smack dab in the middle of Nosgoth, and the Pillar Guardians, chief among them Moebius, were hunting down Vorador and Janos Audron, certain that the key to the vampires' doom lay with those two.

  
And it was on this simple day that Nosgoth was about to receive a rude awakening in the form of two young women, one who was called Syvia and the other Anamae. Now how these two exactly got caught up and put together - literally dumped... if one will, through the vortex in the sky - it is not known.

*A swirling vortex opens in the air and a cordial voice speaks*

Cordial Voice- Gate 7 now arriving in Nosgoth, please do not fall from the portal until the gate has come to a complete stop. Thank you! Goodbye, thank you, goodbye!

*two forms fall from the vortex and land heavily on the ground*

Suffice it to say they arrived in Nosgoth. 

  
In the Sarafan Fortress. 

  
Outside the doors to the Time Streaming device.

  
Syvia- Okay, that was quite the bumpy ride but we've arrived all the same. *sticks out her hand* Name's Syvia, somewhat of an insane girl but then I am sure you already knew that. Glad that we could finally be introduced.

  
Anamae- Same here. *shakes Syvia's hand* And I think I'm about just as insane as you are. 

  
Both of them look around the fortress; the banners hanging from the walls and the artwork, the weapons and then the door to the chamber that only Moebius can enter.  
Syvia- Should we enter?

  
Anamae- Why not? *both of them stand in front of the door* Well, open it.

  
Syvia- Why me?

  
Anamae- Because you want to enter. I'm just following.

  
So Syvia went ahead and tried the door. Unfortunately for the two girls Moebius had finally gotten smart and locked the door, keeping the key on him at all times. With nothing else to do, the two young women wander the fortress. Of course the Sarafan hardly notice them, save for the weird clothing they wear but then they, or so the Sarafan thought, might be newly released inmates from the Eternal Prison.

  
Syvia- Judging from my calculations, which are nothing more than hunches, I would say that we're in the era just before Kain is born, but when Raziel is traveling through time. Which means that Vorry and *gasp* Janos are alive. All right, we can go and see them!!!

  
Anamae- To be precise Syvia, it's the 14th day of Frost month, which I would guess means the middle of winter here.

  
Syvia- And how did you come to that?

  
Anamae- The calendar on the wall. *points to the Pinup calendar, which shows a beautiful picture of the Nosgoth mountain ranges*

  
Syvia- Oh. Well we can still go and see Janos.

  
Anamae- Why exactly?

  
Syvia- To warn him about the Sarafan that will soon come and horribly, horribly kill him. Then he'll be saved and he won't have his heart ripped out.

  
Anamae- Syvia, don't you think that'll change time? Hell, I'm all for it but then doesn't that mean there will be no Turel, Dumah, Zephon, Rahab and Melchiah later on? Do you understand what you could be doing? Changing the cosmos around to suit your own whim and fancy, never heeding what could be and what might be?!

  
Syvia- *ponders for a few brief moments, then gets a sly grin on her face and rubs her hands together* I'm sure if we go and see Vorador, then he'll be able to tell you where Faustus is. But first, off to warn Janos.

Anamae- *'light bulb turns on' look* Let's go then!

  
So the two girls headed out of the fortress, knocking the stupid guards out and taking their weapons as well, for as everyone knows two young women walking the paths of Nosgoth to Janos Audron's keep cannot fend for themselves without weapons....but then again they're insane so there's no telling what they can do. Before long, they got outside and down to the icy pond around the Sarafan Stronghold.

  
Syvia- Okay, I just had a thought.

  
Anamae- Well that can't be good.

  
Syvia- *deadpan* Funny. *regular voice* It's the middle of winter, right? 

  
Anamae- Right. 

  
Syvia- So what the hell are we doing out here with no coats on? *she shivers, the little pile of snow atop her head falling off*

  
Anamae- You're the one who pulls things out of thin air! _You _do something about it.

  
Syvia- Okay I will! *pulls open a plot hole and takes out a cloak, which she puts on*

  
Anamae- Heyyyy, not bad. 

Syvia grinned and walked away. Anamae waited... and waited some more.

Anamae- So what about me?!? 

By this time, the snow had piled up an inch high on her shoulders.

  
Syvia- *calls out* Just get one out of the plot hole. Think 'warmth' and reach inside!

  
Anamae looked at the plot hole, which was still open. She followed the other girl's advice, thinking 'warmth'. She put her hand in and found something solid. She pulled out her hand, and the object, and found herself staring into the ugly face of a Fire Demon! She screamed. The Demon roared in surprise for a full minute before Anamae pulled out her sword and began beating it over the head. After a few minutes little stars were spinning around the Demon's head and she shoved it back into the plot hole.

  
Syvia, meanwhile was standing a little ways off, doubled over laughing. Anamae reached into the plot hole and, with an evil grin pulled out a stone. She lobbed it at Syvia, hitting her on the shoulder. It didn't hurt the girl, but as she stepped to the side, trying unsuccessfully to avoid it, she slipped and fell on her butt. 

Anamae began to laugh, who wouldn't have? She reached into the plot hole and finally pulled out her own cloak. After pulling it on, she closed the plot hole- just in time to see a snowball come flying at her face. Anamae gasped and ducked, evading the first, but not the second, which hit her squarely in the side.

  
Anamae- Oh you are _asking_ for it! *she pulls some snow and flings it at Syvia, hitting the girl right in the eye.*

Syvia- No snow in the face! *she throws a snowball at Anamae's nose, which misses*

  
Anamae- Do we really *throws a snowball, catching Syvia in the back* have time for this?

  
Syvia- We control this adventure, Anamae! *hits Anamae in the stomach with a snowball* Of course we do! 

  
Little did they know, someone was watching their mock-battle.

It was none other than that manipulating bastard Moebius, who had been watching the two girls leave the fortress and viewing their antics with something akin to worry and concern... for himself, not them of course.

  
Moebius: *jumps in front of the two* AHA! Now that you two are here, I will find out exactly what you're up to and deal with you in a way appropriate to my evil and lecherous personality.

  
Both girls looked at each other, then at Moebius, and smiled evil little smiles. They had an evil plan, an awful, monstrous, dastardly plan that they couldn't wait to put to use.

  
Syvia- *casually* Hey Moebius, you look through time, right?

  
Moebius- *draws himself up* Yes.

  
Anamae- Then did you happen to see this coming?

  
Moebius- What?

  
Both girls reached into plot holes, took out massive bazookas loaded with small rabid dogs, which they proceeded to fire at the old and evil man.

  
Syvia- This is for all the crap you put the Anti-Heros through! *she shoots a couple of Chihuahuas at him*

  
Anamae- And this is for looking at us! PERVERT! *she shoots more Chihuahuas*

  
Syvia- We're innocent girls!!!! How dare you?!

  
While Moebius was trying (and failing miserably) to dodge the rabid dogs flying at him, the girls also picked up snow laden with ice, packed it down hard and fired at him. After being hit in the face, butt, chest and many times over in the 'cookie', Moebius did the thing that came best to him.

  
He ran like the cowardly bastard dog that he was.

  
Syvia- *blows smoke away from the muzzle of her bazooka* He never stood a chance.

  
Anamae- *firing an arrow after him* Yeah, I would run after him to finish it off but we have to get going.

  
Syvia- What about the dogs? *looks at the Chihuahuas, who are happily gnawing on each other*

  
Anamae- No problem. 

She turned to the still open plot hole and threw the dogs back in. Syvia raised an eyebrow at the sounds of demons and Chihuahuas ripping away at each other.

  
Syvia- Anamae, do you ever look before you throw?

  
Anamae- *shrugs her shoulders* Not really. *she walks off* C'mon, you want to see Janos, don't you?

  
Syvia- Of course.  
  
And so the two continued on their not-so-heroic quest to change time and make the rest of Nosgoth messed up in the not so distant future, which will not become the future they know of if they continue moving along this path, this misguided course of action which-

  
Anamae & Syvia- HEY NARRATOR! SHUT UP!

  
Sorry, I am just doing my job. And of course then they headed towards Janos' hometown, the city of Ullchi.......Ulschir....Ulsctrichen......

  
Syvia- Is it Ulisthiem?

  
Anamae- Not Ulturisstien?

  
Both shrug their shoulders; they can't pronounce the name let alone spell it without the damn booklet in front of them. Either way they headed into the village, not knowing that Moebius was following them.....at a safe distance of course.

  
With about 25 Glyph Knights.

  
And 40 hunting dogs.

  
Not to mention a state-of-the-art catapult being dragged at the back of the group by a dozen peasants.

==============================================

Syvia- I'm trying to think of an endnote... but nothing's coming to me.

Anamae- How does 'Review or die' sound?

Syvia- *grins* Sounds good.

Both- *casually holding up their bazookas* Review... or die.


	2. Hysterics, Hell Chickens and a Helicopte...

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: We do not own LoK, anything that relates with/and/or the game in itself, Eidos and Crystal Dynamics. So you can't sue us because first off we have no money and secondly because after reading what has been written above, it just shows two girls having mindless and wholesome fun!

Syvia- I'm still not buying the 'wholesome' thingy.

Anamae- My bit with Faustus is no worse than your bit with Vorador.

Syvia- Ahem, there is no 'bit with Vorador', while you most certainly have a make-out session with Faustus.

Anamae- Indeed I do. *purrs in contentment*

Authors' Notes: The plot is simple and pretty straight-forward; Syvia and I somehow wound up in the Nosgoth world and decided to have as much fun as possible? Sounds good? Well then, get to reading!

Anamae- You put me second again...

Syvia- Because it sounds better. My name is shorter than yours.

Anamae- *grumbles*

Syvia- _Anyway_- for fulfilling the 10 review minimum, here's the next chapter! ^_^

****

*massive hugs to the 11 reviewers* 

Anamae- And feel free to read our other fics as well!!!!!

Syvia- That's right, we won't mind _at all_.

Chapter 2

Hysterics, Hell Chickens and a Helicopter

The girls trudge up a hill, still unaware *despite my overly loud narration* of the horror following them... and all the stuff Moebius was bringing along to ensure their soon-to-occur, painful death.  
  
Syvia- Riiiiight.   
  
*Anamae shakes her head at the narrator in disgust*   
  
Just play along, pleeeeeeeease?  
  
*They shrug and continue to trudge*  
  
Syvia- *panting* Uh... do we still need the bazookas?  
  
Anamae- I guess not.   
  
With the aid of another trusty plot hole they got rid of the bazookas and continued along the road. Up and up they climbed.  
  
Syvia- By the way... I haven't played SR2 in a while.... isn't this the spot where Raz needs the Air reaver to get to the Pillars?  
  
Anamae- You worry too much.  
  
Syvia- But how are we supposed to get over that enormous gap in the bridge?! And Raz has amazing strength! How are we supposed to open those huge doors to get to the pillars!?   
  
Anamae- *patiently* Syvia-  
  
Syvia- And how are we supposed to get up to the door with the Ancient on it? We can't get into the spectral realm! What about getting _in_ the door?! We don't have the Reaver.  
  
Anamae- *a little louder* Syvia-  
  
Syvia- What about getting past the Elder God?! I don't think I can hold my breath that long! And what about-  
  
Suddenly Anamae couldn't take anymore and grabbed Syvia by the shoulders.  
  
Anamae- SYVIA! *the panicked girl stops* Like you said, we control the fic. We'll figure it out.  
  
Syvia- You're _sure_ about that? Everyone's seen what happens when _I_ write a self insertion fan fic....   
  
Anamae- *suddenly looks worried* That's a good point...  
  
Syvia- Lots of unexpected things start to happen.  
  
Anamae- *looks even more worried* Well...  
  
Syvia- And things start going wrong...  
  
Anamae- Oh my God, you're right! This was a terrible idea! How are we going to get to Janos at all?!  
  
Both the girls began having hysterics, and at this time, the _worst possible time_, two Sarafan knights met them on the path, identified them from Moebius' description, raised their swords and charged. 

  
But then some deep-seated fighting instinct took over. Anamae and Syvia looked at the knights, pulled out weapons of mass destruction, and proceeded to mash the knights into a bloody pulp.  
  
Syvia- *smiles slightly* I feel much better now.  
  
Anamae- *grins* Yep, so do I. *gestures to the path* Shall we?   
  
Syvia grinned wider and they did a little victory dance before setting off again. Moebius, having seen the whole thing, sent one of his knights back to the keep for reinforcements. 

The girls, after proceeding to walk over the mutilated corpses of the Sarafan Guards, continued into the mountains until they came to the pass that led to Janos' fortress. Unfortunately because of the insane amount of snow and ice that always built up during Nosgothian winter (and a mountain climber named Fred who'd yodeled in the wrong place and at the wrong time the other day because everyone throws things at him when he yodels in town) an avalanche had blocked the pass. Syvia gestured angrily at the blocked canyon and crossed her arms over her chest in a huff.   
  
Syvia- Told you. Now we can't do a thing, Anamae. We might as well start looking for another way to get to Janos' fortress.  
  
Anamae- Syvia... I haven't played SR2, so I don't know exactly how to get to Janos' fortress. *receives a look from Syvia* What?  
  
Syvia- You never played the game? _You've never played the game?_  
  
Anamae- *defensively* ...I bought the walkthrough. *Syvia groans* Oh calm down, we'll be fine. Just wait here. *walks off*  
  
Syvia- _Where _are you going?  
  
Anamae- *calling over her shoulder* I'll be back.  
  
What else could Syvia do but wait for Anamae to come back? Meanwhile Moebius decided that confronting one girl would be easier than two and with a snap of his fingers the whole Sarafan army appeared, surrounding Syvia with catapults, Glyph Knights, vicious dogs and the even more vicious Mexican chicken which was pecking the ground quickly and digging up snow with its sharp claws.  
  
Moebius- *jumps out and strikes a pose* Aha! I have you now, mysterious girl! Reveal why you are in Nosgoth and you might get off easily.  
  
Syvia- *mockingly* 'Aha' yourself. *deadpan* And I have a name, you know. *snickering from the Sarafan Knights*  
  
Moebius- *glaring* Well then what is it?  
  
Syvia- -_- My name is Syvia. S-y-v-i-a. Got it?  
  
Moebius- *angrily* I know how to spell.  
  
Glyph Knight No. 1- Actually boss, you're dyslexic, aren't you? When you go to restaurants, you need Nupraptor or Ariel to say what's on the menu...and since you have the shakes from time to time, they also need to feed you-

Pardon me. *everyone turns to the Narrator* In this time frame, Nupraptor and Ariel haven't been born yet.

Glyph Knight No. 2- Nice going Genius! *smacks Glyph Knight No. 1 upside the head*

Nor were there _Glyph _Knights. They don't come into being until _long _after the Pillars are corrupted. *The Glyph Knights all look at each other*

Glyph Knight No. 3- Hey... the narrator's right.  
  
Moebius- Shut up, all of you!

Glyph Knight No. 1- But sir... the narrator _is _right. We belong in a different time frame.

Moebius- *expressionless face* Ask me if I care. *the Glyph Knights look nervously at one another*

Syvia- *rolls eyes* Fine, I'll ask. *congenially* Moebius, do you care? *bats eyelashes*

Moebius- Let me think about it. 

He stroked his chin for a minute, then in a falsely bright tone exclaimed-

Moebius- Why, no; I don't!

Glyph Knight No. 2- But sir-

Moebius- *groans* Fine! Go change your armor, just don't be all day about it!

The Glyph Knights scampered off, leaving Syvia and Moebius with the attack dogs, who were sleeping under the catapults, and the Mexican chicken, who was clucking ferociously and pecking at Moebius' ankle.

Moebius- *kicks the chicken* Why are you in Nosgoth?  
  
Syvia- *shrugs* You got me. But my friend and I are going to stop you from killing Janos.

The Glyph Knights, now dressed as Sarafan, who had just gotten back, looked at Syvia in amazement, as did Moebius.  
  
Moebius- HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?!!! Those plans are top-secret; no one but the Circle Members know about them! You must be...a WITCH! A vampire-loving witch.  
  
Syvia- *smirks* Well, duh! *raises her voice* Janos hasn't done anything to you guys, yet you want to go up there, smash that nice man's house, steal his sword and rip out his heart?

Glyph Knights dressed as Sarafan- Yeah, yeah pretty much.

Syvia- *horrified expression* WHY?!

  
The Sarafan Knight formerly known as Glyph Knight no. 2- *whispering to no. 3* She _does _have a point. When I take my kids out on Halloween, Janos always gives out the most candy.  
  
He who was once Glyph Knight no. 3- And he helps old people home with their shopping bags, as well as donating to various charities.   
  
Glyph Knight no. 1, now known as Sarafan Knight no.1- Hey, listen to yourselves. Janos also happens to prey on the people, drinking their blood, running amok through the villages, burning cattle and sheep for no good reason. We need to destroy him.  
  
Glyph Knight no.'s 3 & 2 dressed as Sarafan- Sorry boss.  
  
Moebius- *icily* Are you all done? *glares at the Sarafan Knights, then looks back to Syvia* You must never tell Janos what you know; therefore we will kill you here!  
  
And with that, the Sarafan raised their swords, spears, maces, spiked clubs and a popcorn machine at Syvia, intent on killing her. But they failed to notice the small 2-person helicopter fly down from above, Anamae at the steering wheel. The Sarafan scream and Moebius goes flying because of the wind kicked up by the blades.  
  
Anamae- Hey Syvia, get on! *she waits for a bit, then has a light bulb moment* Oh yeah *chuckling* I need to get the rope first.  
  
Syvia- *nervously eyeing the popcorn machine* C'mon!!!! I'm freezing my butt off down here! 

Anamae threw down a rope ladder, which Syvia quickly climbed. The girl then crawled in the helicopter and into the empty seat.

Syvia- It is _damn_ good to see you! *Anamae grins and steers away from the canyon* So this is what took you so long! Where did you get the helicopter? I didn't think Nosgoth had anything this advanced.  
  
Anamae- I went down to Muphey's Rentals. 

Syvia- _How?_

Anamae- *cavalier* It was just in the next valley. I used five plot holes, four clever clowns, three cans of gas, two trampolines-

Syvia- *singing* And a partridge in a pear tree!

Anamae laughed and fiddled with the controls.

Syvia- In any event, _thanks_.

Anamae- No problem! Looks like I got there just in time too. Moebius looked about ready to kill you.  
  
Both girls smirked down at the Time Streamer, his waist, legs and bony butt, sticking out of the snow, kicking wildly. The other Sarafan were shrieking and running away or into each other as they tried to decide what to do. So with the helicopter that Anamae had bought in the dealership for two packets of bubblegum and a colorful spool of thread, the two not-so-heroic young women made it over the pass and through the mountains with ease.  
  
And that was when disaster hit.  
  
They ran out of gas.  
  
Anamae- *deadpan* I _knew _I should put more than 5 bucks in.  
  
Syvia- *shrieking as they plummet towards the ground* Where are the parachutes!? There are always parachutes!!  
  
Anamae- ...I forgot to get some. -_-  
  
Both girls then did the only thing they could as they headed towards their supposed doom (which won't happen because no one dies in this fic ...except Moebius). They screamed with all the glory of a Horror Movie Queen (which was quite a bit) and caused about three avalanches near Janos' fortress. The last Ancient poked his head out the window and sighed.   
  
He'd have to shovel again.   


=============================

Anamae- If you're quick with reviews, we'll be quick with the new chapter.

Syvia- So review! ^_^ 

*the Mexican Chicken clucks idly*

Anamae- *confused look* How did _that _get here?

Syvia- I _love _that chicken! :-D

Anamae- ^_^ Go Mexican chicken!

*they stare at the chicken for a while*

Syvia- ...I'm hungry.

Anamae- You wanna cut his head off or should I? *Mexican chicken hears this and clucks off angrily to peck at someone else's butt* ...Horror queen scream? Didn't Vorador win that one when his wife kicked him in the cookie for cheating on him?

Syvia- *amazed look* I thought no one else knew that.

Ananmae- ....I have my ways.


	3. Reasons Why Vorador Likes Syvia

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: We do not own LoK, anything that relates with/and/or the game in itself, Eidos and Crystal Dynamics. So you can't sue us because first off we have no money and secondly because after reading what has been written above, it just shows two girls having mindless and wholesome fun!

Authors Notes: 

*Syvia and Anamae are sitting in the middle of a darkened parlour, which looks faintly familiar like the parlour that Sherlock Holmes had. In fact, it _was_ his parlour and they had kicked him out of it because they wanted to use it. They wanted to answer the letters with some sort of posh background to make them feel all important, yadda yadda, so on and so forth*

Anamae- But we have to answer the letters quickly because Sherlock is bound to come back anytime and fine his door locked and him without the key. Syvia, the letter!

Syvia- And the first letter is from... *drum roll* Fallen Templar!

Anamae- We hate Moebius too! Don't worry- he'll have several excruciating moments during the course of the fic. *evil little grin*

Syvia- Number two. ^_^ *opens the letter* From Rockerbaby ^_^ ... Ooooh, someone else who likes to torture Kain and Raziel. *grins*

Anamae- Eat us? With ketchup and mustard?

Syvia- And a bit of relish?

Anamae- How about ranch dressing?

Syvia- Ewww! Ranch dressing belongs on salads!

Anamae- Letter three- is from Venris!

Syvia- *waves* Hi Venris! ^_^ Thanks for the review! :-D

Anamae- *casually blows the smoke away from her bazooka, grins* Okay, the next letter is from Chalcedony Blue. ... ^_^ The evil Chihuahuas were my idea. 

Syvia- And don't worry- there will be _much _more Moby bashing. :-D *opens letter five* Hello RedCat8 ^_^ Don't worry about us! We'll get to Janos in quite a comical way. ^_^

Anamae- Next, from Miki Tiki. Thank you again ^_^ I love my Chihuahuas.

Syvia- ...But they all died. *sniff* Don't worry- we shall continue! *dramatic pose* From Anima Flamma... *grins* I train my plot holes extensively. Eight hours every day, and they're so obedient. ^_^ 

Anamae- And you're right, Moebius _did _deserve it. He _really, really _deserved it. Now from Silveriss ... Awww! *chucks her bazooka away*

Syvia- We're only too happy to write ^_^ Daughter Goddess... okay, okay, we're getting to it. ^_^

Anamae- *curiously* Or else what? Next letter- Satsuki the Vision... ^_^ Moebius will have pain and suffering, trust us. *evil smile* 

Syvia- And the last letter for chapter one *drum roll* is from DragonSeer! 

Both- *blushing* Why thank you!!!!

Anamae- And now for the chapter 2 reviews... first one is from Bahamut Epyon... Thanks ^_^

Syvia- Second, from Fallen Templar. Thank you, and we didn't maim the vile one because that comes later! *evil grin*

Anamae- Third, another from Satsuki. ^_^ Thanks! We like the Mex chicken too. :-b The popcorn machine was my doing. ^_^ And the mix-up was my accident- but Syvia emphasized the comedy of the error. *blushes*

Syvia- It was fun. :-D *opens the next letter* From GoT... Thanks! 

Anamae- And the next is from Crystarr. *Syvia GLOMPS! Crystarr* Thank you. ...Heyyy Faustus is my baby! *grins*

Syvia- And thanks again for mentioning us in your fic.

Anamae- Yes- that's the BLOOD OMEN 1a- THINGS TO DO IN NOSGOTH WHEN YOU'RE DEAD fic right here at fanfiction.net! Read it TODAY!

*both smile brightly* 

Syvia- ... Any more?

Anamae- *taps fingernails on the table* Not yet...

*DING! A letter falls onto the table*

Syvia- Woo-hoo! *picks it up* This one is from- Venris again! ^_^ Ooooh, marshmallows! 

*both begin roasting marshmallows. DHA eats one*

Anamae- Fanks! ^_^

Syvia- *with her mouth full* Nexf one if from- Filveriff! ^_^

Anamae- M&M's! ^_^ *eats some*

Syvia- I'll take some cherries :-D Glad we could make you laugh!

Anamae- Letter 19 is from- *dramatic voice* The Cat of Fluff! 

Syvia- Ooooh, we got their seal of approval. ^_^ Cool!

Anamae- Letter 20 (Woo-hoo!) from Shady! 

Syvia- ....She did that thing where she talked in another language again...

Anamae- Uh- okay. ^_^ She said she liked it though. 

Syvia- True enough.

Chapter 3

Reasons Why Vorador Likes Syvia

So while Janos began shoveling his walkway once again, the girls fell in an uncontrolled spiral towards the ground.   
  
Anamae- *shouting over the air whistling* Where are we?  
  
Syvia- Falling through the air!!  
  
Anamae- *sarcastically* _NooooooooOOOOOOOooooooo_...  
  
Syvia- We're about to be inside the Termogent Forest, why?  
  
Anamae- Maybe we could call Vorador for help...  
  
Syvia- Is that a good idea?  
  
Anamae- Is dying in a flaming helicopter crash any better?!  
  
Syvia- When you put it that way-  
  
So Syvia reached in a plot hole and pulled out a megaphone as the girls took their (somehow extended) fall through the skies of Nosgoth.  
  
Syvia- *Through the megaphone* Attention all Sarafan, Attention all Sarafan! Vampires at twelve o'clock!   
  
Anamae- *checking her watch* But it's only 11:30.   
  
Syvia- *rolling her eyes* Assemble at 6 o'clock!  
  
Anamae- What good did that do?!  
  
The helicopter continues to plummet to the ground, underneath it, on an enormous clock built into the swamp ground of the forest, all the Sarafan in the grouped together, blades at the ready.  
  
Sarafan 1- *looking at the giant number six* Duh okay.. we're here... but _why _are we here? Where are the vampires. *all looking at the giant number twelve*  
  
The sarafan guards looked back and forth between each other like the morons they are, trying to figure out the answer to this relatively simple question. High on a balcony of his manor, Vorador stepped out at the request of one of his children and took a look at the situation.  
  
Vorador- What is it? I was in the middle of dinner. *gestures to the young, very content looking, woman tucked under his arm*  
  
Fledgling- Look at that.  
  
Vorador- The Sarafan? Yes, they're there all the time. *drinks from the woman*  
  
Fledgling- ...They're just standing there.  
  
Vorador- *licks his lips* Any idea why?  
  
Fledgling- Not really.  
  
Vorador- Wait... what's that sound?  
  
Suddenly the Helicopter carrying Anamae and Syvia (as if there'd be another one in this world) fell on the Sarafan knights. Crushing them all horribly. Vorador, after a moment of stunned silence, began laughing. He laughed so hard that he doubled over, dropped the woman he was holding and crossed his arms over his stomach. He laughed so hard that blood squirted out of his nose.   
  
Anamae- Ewwwww.  
  
What?! You didn't actually see it! _Any_way - the girls, miraculously unhurt, climbed out of the helicopter, grimacing at the blood and gore that surrounded them....or was it the-  
  
Syvia- _Swamp _water in my _hair_! Ugh!  
  
Anamae- Well _that_ was fun... we completely overshot Janos' fortress, killed a group of Sarafan, made extinct a very rare species of moss and survived a helicopter crash that has left us right at the front of Vorador's mansion. I think it's been a good day. ^_^  
  
Syvia- Agreed. So let's go knock on Vorry's door and ask to be let in, then we tell him what will happen to Janos, and he'll go tell his father with us there.  
  
Anamae- *sarcastically* Or he'll simple go to the Circle, kill six guardians and then retire from the world for about 500 years till all hell breaks loose.  
  
Syvia- ...That could happen too. But I have swamp water in my hair, I'm hungry and I just wanna nap!!!

Anamae- Awww, *baby talk* does widdle Syvvie need a nappie-wappie?

Syvia- Shut up.

They walked up to Vorador's door, bickering good-naturedly.   
  
Anamae- *both look at the door handle which is of a woman in a rather delicate position* _You _knock. *sighs* Well, we know what's on the green vamp's mind most of the time. Oh, that reminds me!  
  
She reached into her pocket and took out a simple silver ring, and put it on her fourth finger on her left hand.  
  
Syvia- *knocking* What's that for?  
  
Anamae- Just in case that old vampire thinks about making me one of his brides; now he can't because _I'm _untouchable!!!! *door opens*  
  
Syvia- Crap, I should get one too! 

She quickly opened a plot hole and searched through it. Out came a rubber duck, one bicycle helmet, then bike itself and the child riding it (who were tossed into the swamp and eaten by the swamp thing), then a watch and a _'Dummies Guide To The World Of Nosgoth'_ book. No ring. Syvia closed it hastily as the door swung open, revealing the ancient vampire. Vorador stood at the opened door, looking at the two girls in front of him. Then his gaze traveled to the crashed helicopter and the smashed bodies of the Sarafan underneath it, then back to them. This went on for about five minutes-  
  
Syvia- Hey! Get on with the fricken' story, buddy!!!!  
  
Well, exccccccuuuuuuussssseeeeee me lady. Anyway Vorador looked over the two women and thought to himself this-  
  
Vorador- *thinking* Wow, two fine women coming to my mansion. I needed a few new playthings! Uh-oh! *looks at the ring on Anamae's finger* Well, one less plaything, but she could still be dinner. And the other one is free. ^-^  
  
Anamae- Wow...he thinks loudly. *Syvia is looking decidedly uncomfortable* Hi! Can we come in? We're soaked, it's beginning to rain and we need a place sleep tonight. *turns big puppy dog eyes up to him* Surely you wouldn't turn two women away, would you?  
  
Syvia- *picking up on the act* Yes, someone as nice and kind as you, Lord Vorador? *thinking* This had better work.  
  
Of course, this did appeal to Vorador's ego, which reached about as high as the sky and was twice as long. He was always looking to help the hapless female, even if these two looked capable of handling things themselves to some extent. So with a wave of his claw Vorador ushered the two girls into his mansion, telling one of his many brides to have rooms made ready for his guests. Of course Syvia noticed how Vorador was winking at her. She shuddered and tried to tell Anamae, who was too engrossed at this moment asking one of the brides how they could walk in such heels and not feel the cold with the clothing they wore.  
  
Syvia- *muttering to herself* It's gonna be a loooong night. *she rolls her eyes and whimpers* That's such a cliché, too!

Vorador- Come, let's talk about... *looking at Syvia* things. Bloodletting, killing Sarafan, mutilation...  
  
He gestured down the hall, allowing the girls to precede him. We all know the reason was so he'd have a better view of their-  
  
Vorador- *clearing his throat at the narrator*  
  
- Moving on! Syvia took this time to have a whispered conversation with Anamae.  
  
Syvia- Nice trick with the wedding ring, couldn't have brought one for me too, just in _case_ this happened?  
  
Anamae- So what, he could think we were married to _each other?_ Besides, I can't think of _everything_. You have to look after yourself sometimes, you know. Before long I'll start charging for bodyguard services.  
  
Syvia- Some friend you are. What makes you think Vorador respects wedding vows anyway? He thinks he's a god after all...  
  
Anamae- I'm sure he respects wedding ceremonies, after all, the vampires must have some kind of procedure-  
  
Syvia- *sarcastically* Oh yeah, all the vamps get nightshade bouquets and wear black dresses-  
  
Random Bride- *smiling* Actually, the dresses are red.  
  
Syvia and Anamae jumped, remembered belatedly that vampires have excellent hearing and stopped talking. They followed Vorador, or rather led him, to his dining room, hesitating at the door for a moment, having remembered what Vorador actually had to offer for edibles. The vampire 'accidentally' brushed past Syvia, making her shiver, to open the door, revealing an empty room. The girls breathed a simultaneous sigh of relief, which lasted only as long as it took Vorador to turn around and smile at them. You call that a smile?

Anamae- I actually call it a leer. With big teeth.  
  
Syvia- *whispers through her cheery (fake) smile* Still feeling 'untouchable' Anamae? 

Anamae- *smiling through clenched teeth* _Yes, I am_.

Vorador led them into the dining room and the brides walked off through another door.   
  
Vorador- Please, sit down, both of you. 

He gracefully pulled out a seat for Syvia, who took it to keep from making him mad. Anamae stood by the table, waiting, until Vorador slid into the seat next to her friend and she realize she'd have to seat herself. Grumbling, she stomped over to one seat, yanked it out and sat herself down.

Vorador- So, tell me. Why are you here... and where have you been all my life?

  
Anamae- Well-  
  
Vorador- I was not asking you. I was asking this _fine _young woman in front of me.  
  
Syvia- *blushing* Uh... there _were _all those centuries before I was born... *Anamae kicks her under the table. Syvia winces and gets to the point.* Well, we were on our way to help Janos but we got side-tracked. Moebius came and tried to kill us but then we escaped using the helicopter and now we're here.  
  
Vorador leaned closer to Syvia, who was trying without much success to pull away from the overly-amorous vampire. Anamae was thumb wrestling with herself, oblivious to her friend's plight... after all, her left thumb was winning! That couldn't happen. But Syvia was saved when the brides brought in supper.  
  
Bride- Here we are! *lifts the lid from the silver tray to expose a heart and liver, still raw*  
  
Anamae looked up after her right thumb made a comeback and turned faintly green. She lunged out of the room and barfed on an unsuspecting potted plant, then came back in looking a little pale.

Anamae- Uhh, Syvia... maybe you should eat it first. You know, just in case. 

Syvia, still leaning away from Vorador, hadn't noticed the heart or liver yet, however, as her chair tipped back, she caught a glimpse of it. Distracted by the raw meat, she leaned back too far and the chair fell over. Vorador was quick to help her back up, and she was just as quick to step away from him, smiling cordially. He helped her to sit once again, pushed her chair close to the table, partly to keep her from getting up easily, which had the side effect of sliding her right up to the 'food'. She looked at it, turned green, and remembered what Anamae had said.

Syvia- In case _what_? In case it's still moving?!   
  
Anamae- *nod nod nod* Eat up. *smiles* You're the brave one!  
  
Syvia- *gritting her teeth in a smile once again* Oh _thank_ you, but I think I'd like it a little hotter...  
  
And with that she opened a plot hole, and pulled a flamethrower and long-handled fork out of it. Vorador and the brides flinched back, surprised as Syvia speared the liver, held it up and flambéed it. Anamae grinned a bit at the display and Vorador's reaction. After a few minutes on high heat, Syvia held the liver close to her nose and sniffed it. By this time Anamae had taken out another long-handled fork and speared the heart. She held it out over the flame as if she were roasting a marshmallow. Yum... I think...

Anamae- Now that looks good enough to eat. *smacks her lips and begins to cut the heart*  
  
Syvia- _I'll _say. *cuts up the liver and begins to eat it as well*  
  
Syvia, hoping to dissuade Vorador from putting the moves on her, began to eat her liver quite noisily; smacking her lips, chewing with her mouth open and belching at every given opportunity just to show Vorador how disgusting she really was. But the plan backfired.  
  
Vorador- *thinking* Finally one woman who doesn't care to pretend to be something she is not! It's so refreshing to find a girl so completely at ease on the first date! This will be fun!

================================

Anamae- Hey, Syv-

Syvia- *looking annoyed* What?

Anamae- *in sing-song* Vorador liiiiiiikes youuuuuu!

Syvia- *grumbles*

Anamae- He really likes you!

Syvia- I know.

Anamae- Really, really, really, really, really likes youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!

Syvia- Shut the hell up!

Anamae- If the readers wanna see what happens to you next then, they might want to be quick with the reviews. *looks at the readers* The usual ten then, please! You get to watch Syvia having the worst time of her life for all of ten measly reviews-ARGH! *Syvia jump-attacks Anamae*

Syvia- You're using my misery to get reviews? *choking Anamae*

Anamae- Seems that way..... :-p


	4. The Bedroom Scene

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: We do not own LoK, anything that relates with/and/or the game in itself, Eidos and Crystal Dynamics. So you can't sue us because first off we have no money and secondly because after reading what has been written above, it just shows two girls having mindless and wholesome fun!

Authors Notes: *Syvia and Anamae are sitting on Sherlock Holmes' roof, because he finally got back into his parlor and kicked them out. They're shivering and holding the new ten letters in their gloved hands*

Anamae- Okay, let's do this quick- I'm freezing. 

Syvia- Venris. ^_^ *waves* Ooooh, *takes a choco-moby and bites off his widdle head* You're right! *munches*

Anamae- *shoves a few mobys in her pocket* GoT- Thanks! That's why we ask. ^_^

Syvia- *grins* I'm sure Vorador'll be over quicker than you can say 'Vae Victus' once he knows about Ilit. 

Anamae- Fallen Templar- Thanks! Oh yeah- you actually could, Syv. :-D But now I shall not say anything more about that....

Syvia- I'll keep that in mind. ^_^ *pulls open a plot hole and cradles a water balloon for security.*

Anamae- Rocker Baby & Tiny Friends- Thank you! Sympathies to Kain & Raz *chuckles*. You might hate us later for what happens, but for the moment we always welcome views! Even if they might be as twisted as our own!

Syvia- Wooo-hooo! Food! *both dig in* It's okay, we take bribes!

Anamae- *eating ice-cream despite the cold* That's right! Sympathies go out to Rahab & Jarlaxle too. ^_^

Syvia- Hello, Jarlaxle, nice to meet you. ^_^ ...Where's he from? *makes a note to read Silveriss' fics*

Anamae- VladimirsAngel- *Syvia GLOMPS! her* *grins* Well, maybe it's been done, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be done again!

Syvia- I'm glad we cheer you up. ^_^ *pats VampRaz on the head* Eh, we don't _need _encouragement- but it helps a _lot_!

Anamae- From Shady- *they both grin at the exchange between Shady & Elashana/Celadan* Aww, Vorry's not _that _bad.

Syvia- So _you _say. *grumbles*

Anamae- *grins* From Satsuki- *long silence* So maybe I do run away...and perhaps I do leave people behind...but I come back for them eventually...even if it might take a while...or longer...but I come back...I AM NOT THAT BIG OF A COWARD!!!!!!!!!

Syvia- *looks at Satsuki* I know Satsuki, *grimaces* believe me, I _know_.

Anamae- *winces* From the Cat of Fluff- Really, Vorry isn't _that _bad! 

Syvia- Anamae, no one believes you- not even _you_. 

Anamae- *sighs, grins* Yes- the children should not watch! *evil grin* And here we have the new chapter ^_^

Syvia- And last but not least, Redcat8!!! ^_^ Here's more to read right now!

Anamae- And yes, Raziel will be making appearances ^_^ but not for a while yet.

Chapter 4

A Combination of Many Things But the Best Part Is.... The Bedroom Scene!!!

Anamae- So anyways- we were going to travel to Janos' home to warn him that the Circle Members are planning to kill him come spring. If you could help us reach your father it would really be appreciated.  
  
Vorador- Yes, I will help you, but tonight, my home is your home. After you finish eating I would like to take you on a tour of it.  
  
Syvia- *too quickly* That's okay, we don't need to see your home.  
  
Anamae- *bright smile* Yes, we do! Vorador, I want to ask a question!  
  
Vorador- Very well, ask.  
  
Anamae- Is it true that you have the biggest sadomasochist torture chamber in all of Nosgoth? And that your libido in even vampiric terms is quite large?  
  
Vorador- How dare you ask about such things?! I'm a refined gentleman!  
  
Syvia- *mutters* Yeah, right. *manages to sidle away from Vorador and towards the door* Well, I think I'll tuck in for the night.  
  
Vorador- *leering once again* Let me help you.  
  
Syvia- No, that's okay! *grabs Anamae* C'mon, let's get outta here.  
  
Syvia, moving with the speed that one would only think possible for a roadrunner, dragged Anamae, who was still eating her heart, up the stairs and into her room. Syvia pulled the dresser up against the door, then piled a few chairs up in front of it. Then, as Anamae watched, munching the last of her dinner, Syvia picked up the four-poster bed and shoved even _that_ up against the wall.

Then she grabbed a couple of chains, rope, duct tape, normal tape, construction site tape in yellow and taped up the door. Then as a final touch, she reached into a plot hole and pulled out the vicious and at the same time adorable chipmunk with very large teeth and placed him at the front of the mess to stand guard. Anamae grinned as the chipmunk growled cutely.  
  
Syvia- There! Now Vorador won't be able to get in.  
  
Anamae- Syvia?  
  
Syvia- Yes?  
  
Anamae- *looks around the now furniture-less room* Good call with the door and the slamming and the tape and everything, but one problem. Where am I gonna sleep?  
  
Syvia- We'll set watches. You'll take the first watch and after one in the morning, wake me up and I'll take over. 

Syvia then laid down on the floor and fell asleep without so much as a by your leave. Anamae looked at her with raised eyebrows.  
  
Anamae- Ooooookay.   
  
She looked around again and spotted-

Anamae- Oooh! A gift basket! ^_^ Well at least something good is happening to me now!

She picked up the basket and proceeded to investigate the contents, sitting near the heavily barricaded door. She pulled out a bag of mocha coffee beans, an automatic grinder, a battery-operated mini coffee pot, some water, and set about making herself something to drink. As her coffee brewed, Anamae searched through the rest of the basket. She threw out a bunch of lotions, but kept an impressive diamond necklace and sapphire ring. She might need them later- to sell off for money (which was always needed) or to just look at their sparkle in the sunlight.

Eventually the coffee was done and she helped herself to a cup. There was, however, a problem with Anamae and coffee. It didn't make her stay awake, but sped up the process of falling asleep.

With a slight drooping of her head and a snort, Anamae curled up on the floor and was promptly in dreamland.

And of course this is when things began to go really bad in the story. 

Syvia *stirring and cracking an eyelid* - Who says?  
  
I do! And I'm the narrator, so I should know!   
  
Syvia- Oh _really_? *gets up* Well if this is the time things start to go really bad in the story, they're going to go really bad for _you_.   
  
Syvia stood from her place on the floor, stepped carefully over Anamae, who was mumbling in her sleep about a lamb and a tractor, ignored the sound of the doorknob rattling and the loudly snoring chipmunk, and walked right up to the fourth wall.

  
She- Hey! HEY! What are you doing to me?! You're not allowed to-  
  
Syvia- Okay, right now I'm _really_ in control, so let's get this over with, in the hopes that I can actually get some sleep tonight.   
  
I started back to the door, scooped up Bucky (that's the chipmunk) from his little bit of rug and deposited him in my pocket. I picked up one end of the rug that Anamae was lying on and dragged her to a shadowy corner of the room. There was no need to wake her and I was having enough trouble getting up my nerve _without_ an audience.

Back at the door, which was still holding up somehow under the pounding that Vorador had been doing for the last five- wait a minute.... where did the furniture go? That's when I heard a muffled voice speaking from out of the fic. It was the narrator. *takes the gag out of the narrator's mouth*  
  
Hahahhahah! I removed the furniture! You see?! I still have some say over what goes on in this fic! Sucks to be you, eh?  
  
Syvia- Whatever. *stuffs the gag back in*

See, I had no illusions about who was doing what, or who _wanted_ to do what, or who *shudder*, on the other side of that door. 

But I had a plan, I had plot holes, and I had the element of surprise. And if none of that worked, I had a fazer from the Star Trek TNG universe in my pocket. I was _pretty _sure that one of the higher stun settings would work on Vorador. 

Either way, I was opening that door... really... I was... gonna.. open... the door. 

Then a small circular hole appeared beside the knob. Obviously Vorador could open the door by himself.... or it was another of the narrator's sick plot twists. I glanced at Anamae as the greenish cloven hand fumbled with the doorknob. Damn... that girl was _out_. It was just as well because she wouldn't have been any help. *mumbles to herself* Most likely she would have run from the room...  
  
I took a step back when Vorador finally managed to gain access to the room. He was leering at me, but what else would you expect? It was Vorador. I made myself smile, a bit shyly, but a smile nonetheless, and walk up to him. 

"Trouble with the door?" I asked coyly. Man, what a cheezy line, but I couldn't come up with anything better, so sue me.  
  
Syvia sidled up to the vampire, much to Vorador's gratification-  
  
Vorador- Well I certainly hope so!   
  
Syvia's expression became suspicious.   
  
Syvia- Who are you talking to?  
  
Vorador- The narrator.  
  
Syvia- But the narrator can't- *she whirls around to face the fourth wall* how did you get free?!  
  
But then Vorador grabbed her.  
  
Vorador- *grinning* All right. *and he did*  
  
Syvia- *to the Narrator* HEY!  
  
Payback's a bitch, ain't it? *evil grin*  
  
Syvia- Oh crap...  
  
And the vampire proceeded to carry his guest over to the bed.  
  
Syvia- *being carried by a grinning Vorador* WHAT BED?!  
  
The bed I replaced in the middle of the room, of course. Now complete with rose petals and scented candles! Vorador tossed Syvia onto it and crawled slowly after her.  
  
Syvia- But she just as quickly climbed off the other side-  
  
-to find Vorador standing beside the bed, still smiling and with a _look_ in his eyes.  
  
Syvia- *to the narrator* You are an _asshole!_  
  
Tut, tut. Vorador climbed onto the bed, straddling the girl, causing Syvia to scoot back over the sheets. The ancient vampire followed her slowly, enjoying the mock-chase game they were playing, despite the girl's obvious disinclination to have any kind of intimate contact with him.  
  
Vorador- *stops abruptly* What? *to the narrator* She doesn't want do to this?  
  
Syvia- *taking the out* Not that we aren't grateful for the room and all, but no, I really, really don't.  
  
Despite that, Vorador continued-  
  
Vorador- *interrupting* What's wrong? Is it the room? Are the sheets the wrong color? *Syvia glanced down briefly at the black silk and her lip quirked just a bit, Vorador never noticed. He looked down from his position over her and his lower lip trembled.* Is...is it me? Could it be me? Perfect Vorador?  
  
Syvia- *eyes widening* No! No, no. It's not you, it's _me_! I mean, *getting into the argument* you've got dozens of vampiresses falling all over you...and under you, *gets back on track* but I'm just... *thinks frantically* not ready for commitment!  
  
Vorador moved away from the girl and sat dejectedly on the edge of his bed, wondering just when did it all go wrong.  
  
Syvia- Hey... I'm sorry... I just, I don't think we're compatible. I mean, you're the Father of Vampires and I'm just a crazy writer. I don't think it would work out. *she pats him tentatively on the shoulder*. So you know, to make sure there are no broken feelings or hearts, we shouldn't start anything at all.  
  
Vorador- *sniffs* Well, you've got a point. Hey *holds out a hand* no hard feelings.  
  
Syvia- Yeah. *smiles* Only hard... never mind.  
  
Vorador- *grins* You sure about our incompatibility? You've got quite a dirty mind there...  
  
Syvia- Oh I am _completely_ sure.  
  
Vorador chuckled ruefully, gave Syvia a peck on the cheek, and left the bedroom, most likely to find one...or more...of his brides.   
  
Syvia- Aww, cheer up, buddy. You had your fun- it's not your fault Vorador didn't cooperate with you.  
  
*sighs* Yeah... but I really wanted to turn this into an NC-17 fic.  
  
Syvia- *glares* Give up while you've still got your dignity.  
  
*another sigh* Then the girl lay back, cuddled one of the fluffy pillows on the bed, and fell asleep. 

The next morning, Anamae got up from the floor, stretched her aching muscles, and looked for Syvia, whom she found on the enormous bed.  
She took in the rumpled state of the covers and her friend's clothing, and automatically assumed the worst. But at the same time she couldn't help but grin. I mean, anyone would because the situation was all in all quite silly when one looked back on it.  
  
Anamae- Oh my god! You slept with him, didn't you!?   
  
Syvia jerked awake and flinched as Anamae took a flying leap onto the bed, speaking quickly.  
  
Anamae- Tell me everything! Was it hot? Did he have special techniques?! Did he drink your blood?!!!!  
  
Syvia- *yawns* No.  
  
Anamae- No to what?!  
  
Syvia- *smacks Anamae upside the head; she falls onto the ground* All of it. Bucky was a perfect gentleman.   
  
She got up and headed for the bathroom.  
  
Anamae- BUCKY?!  
  
The chipmunk popped his head out of Syvia's pocket, where he'd slept all night, and chittered sleepily.  
  
Syvia- Well Bucky was the only 'he' I slept with last night.   
  
She said, and slammed the door behind her.  
  
Anamae- *to the narrator* Wha? Narrator, explain!  
  
Read over the chapter. And that is what Anamae did. The girl did a face forwards somersault and began to giggle.  
  
Anamae- Well, you almost had her.  
  
I know.  
  
Anamae- But we'll try again later, won't we?  
  
Indeed. That's one of the many side plots in this aimless fanfic, right?  
  
Anamae- *evil grin* Got it. But we can't say anymore; I think we've already said to much. But you and I, we have plans. Good to know I have you on my side, narrator.  
  
Agreed. 

Anamae- But if you dare to anger me in any way then I could be tempted to make your life misery.

That threat is so moot. You can't do anything, Anamae, so get off the little power trip you think you have. After Syvia emerged from the bathroom, she and Anamae wandered downstairs to find some breakfast (which was Lucky Charms cereal from the store down the swamp lane), while Bucky followed behind, chirping happily to himself. He knew what was going to happen in the next bit, but since no readers understand chipmunkanise save for Nupraptor, who got a degree in it back when he was in boy scouts, no one will know what I have planned next. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anamae- I'm surprised, Syvia ^_^ I never thought this of you.

Syvia- I'm sure you're not the only one. *grins* Well I love to surprise people. *chuckles, shakes her finger at Anamae* You naughty, naughty person, you! How dare you make getting me some sex a side-plot! 

Anamae- Hey, I just wrote us into the room- you brought Vorador in all by yourself! *evil grin quickly turns into an innocent smile* Besides, the readers won't have a problem with this...at least I think so anyways.  
  
Syvia- *blushes* Yes, because if there's any smut to be had between me and a character- _I _write it, thank you.

Anamae- *grinning* Fine with me. I do the action scenes.

Syvia- So let's see what you're plotting, and let's see how I get myself out of it! ^_^

Anamae- *grins wider*

Syvia- But not tonight. Tonight I need to sleep. *Vorador walks up with a grin. Syvia notices him* ALONE DAMNIT! *the vamp pouts and leaves* G'night all! *smiles, disappears* 

Anamae- *smiling* Ten reviews, please! ^_^ And then....REVENGE!!!!!!! Oops, did I say that outloud or think it? I gotta think of a new line fast!!!


	5. The Road to Ullischtch Ulich Ushitenhe

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: We do not own LoK, anything that relates-

Syvia- Hold it, hold it hold it.

Anamae- What?

Syvia- Uh... I think they get the idea by now.

Anamae- Ah. True. Okay then; previous disclaimers still apply! But all the same we don't have to deal with all the technical stuff again and again.

Author's Notes: *Syvia and Anamae are sitting in a horse-drawn carriage, (which they stole from Sherlock) and are hanging on to the side handles for dear life, trying to read reviews. Syvia is still in her pajamas, as Anamae just dragged her out of bed.*

Syvia- And the first one *BUMP* ow... is from Sastuki. Thanks for your sympathy. :-b Vorry is a sweet vamp... if a little persistent. 

Anamae- Yep, Moby is _much _worse... Syvia should know. *smiles sweetly*

Syvia- That's enough out of you!

Anamae- I like my coffee people, and it was the narrator that put me to sleep. Hell, she's the one 'controlling' this fic to be honest but all the same...whatever. I like my coffee and I need it! Bwahahahahaha!

Thank you very much! 

Anamae- Oh no! Can't we get away from you _anywhere_?

Nope. *Bucky, on Syvia's shoulder, smiles* I am the all-powerful and now seemingly incredibly popular narrator!

Syvia- Thanks! ^_^ Next letter is from Fallen Templar. Hey, search me, I didn't know Nupraptor could speak it either.

Anamae- Maybe telepathy was how he learned it? And don't worry, we'll be _happy _to hurt Moebius. *evil grin* Next, from Raziel Valentine- Thankee! ^_^ 

Syvia- *sighs with a rueful grin and hugs her plushie* Yeah, yeah, yeah. :-b Next letter is from Venris-

Anamae- Syvia, enough GLOMPING! the readers. You'll kill one of them with your enthusiasm. All you do is glomp, glomp, glomp! Whatever happened to slapping them on the back?

Syvia- *pouts*

Anamae- And it was a team effort writing that last bit! You'd be amazed at how dirty this woman's mind is! *points at Syvia*

Syvia- Don't sell yourself short, hon. *smirks* Hmmm... I have no clue what their schedules are...the narrator is a busy being...

Anamae- We're sorry, Venris, but the narrator doesn't even have hands.

We can work something out! I'm free the next weekend!

Syvia- Oh? Okay. *shrugs* Wooo-hoo! Good bribe! ^_^ And Pez for the dispensers would be cool for the next chapter. :-D

Anamae- *plays with her Faustus Pez Dispenser* Thanks, Venris! Next, from Silveriss. Ohhh, so that's where you're from. ^_^ Very interesting. *blushes slightly* Isn't he a gentleman....

Syvia- *swats her* You're taken, remember? - We always like to be a distracting force! ^_^ *wide grin* Potential... I love potential. *evil grin*

Anamae- *grins* Next we have VladimirsAngel *in spite of Anamae's command, Syvia GLOMPS! VA* *Anamae sighs* Anyway, *lol* well, cuteness gets in there in spite of us. 

Syvia- *grins* Ah yes, Vervain. Now _he _would have gotten a taste of the fazer. *both smirk* Heh, I kind of doubt that Nupraptor was ever that manly- but I like that image! ^_^ *pictures him falling down the stairs and screaming 'Head, shoulder, elbow!'*

Anamae- *grinning* Next we have a letter from The Cat of Fluff. *grins* Well we do love our smut. *cuddles the Seal of Approval* 

And Anamae, Syvia and Bucky clapped for Nupraptor. :-D They both grinned at the review from Shady and Celadan.

Syvia- Silly, silly people! We love you just the way you are. :-p Thanks!

Anamae- Next review from Chalcedony Blue- ... that rhymed *smirk*

Syvia- *rolls eyes* Thanks!

They like me! They really like me!

Anamae- At least _someone _does.

Watch it, you... *glares* I have the uber-powers!

Syvia- _Moving _on. From Flute and Cat- *Syvia and Anamae read over the note and snicker* Thanks for the compliments and the interesting conversation! 

Anamae- The stuff people write on MSN and AOL... *wide grin* Last review from Crystarr- *Anamae hog-ties Syvia before she can GLOMP! Crystarr* *bows* Thank you, thank you! I'll thank you again for Syvia, as she's tied up* *bows again, gets thrown into the wall as the carriage *BUMPS* again* 

Syvia- *laughing* That's what you get. And you're welcome! A good fic can _never _have too much publicity! ^_^

Chapter 5

The Road to Ullischtch... Ulich... Ushitenhe- ahhh forget it...

  
  
Anamae- Okay, I just went over the details with Vorador and he's giving us horses so we can go to Janos and warn him about his impending doom, which won't be his impending doom after we warn him.  
  
Syvia- So where are the horses?  
  
Anamae- Out front.  
  
So the two went out front, where two horses of questionable origin were waiting, packed down with food, clothing and travel necessities (Anamae- Hey look- my favorite skin cream! ^_^ ) for the long travel to Janos's fortress. Vorador waited out front with his numerous brides, looking very pleased with himself. The brides looked pretty pleased as well-  
  
Anamae- _Excuse _me!  
  
-Sorry, just adding a bit to the story. So after Vorador said goodbye to the girls, adding a very long and touching dialogue to Syvia which will not be re-said because it is too long and is in direct violation of Shakespeare's works, they got on the horses and were off.  
  
Syvia- *sitting on her horse* Hey- I wanted to hear what he said to me.  
  
Tough. I call the shots here!  
  
Anamae- Bossy boots!  
  
Keep it down girl, or else I'll show you a thing or two.  
  
Anamae- I'm not afraid! *looks at the narrator* Do your worst!  
  
Suddenly everyone shielded their eyes as a lightning bolt hit Anamae. They looked back at the girl to see her covered, chest to the top of her head, in soot, her hair sticking out at all angles.   
  
Anamae- *coughs a little cloud of smoke* Fair enough. Okay then, you win this round...but the war is not over yet!

So they waved goodbye to the vampires and began riding, Anamae making use of the face creams and a bottle of Mousse to fix her face and hair after my lovely little lightning bolt. Hee hee hee...  
  
Anamae- *once again her beautiful self* Aw shut up already!  
  
Syvia- *eyes watering* Oh man... *pulls out a pill bottle & downs one*  
  
Anamae- *suspiciously* What're those? You're not doing drugs, are you?  
  
Syvia- What? No, *rolls eyes* weirdo. *nose wrinkled* They're allergy medication. I'm allergic to farm animals.   
  
Anamae- *looks at the horse* They do kinda stink, don't they?  
  
Syvia- Oh _heck_ yeah. *pulls open a little plot hole, takes out a full-face gas mask, and puts it on*   
  
Anamae- *looking at her friend with raised eyebrows* Um... okay.   
  
Syvia- *muffled* Want to pick up the pace a little? *indicates the horses, who are moving at an easy walk*  
  
Anamae- Sounds good to me. ... What happens if you don't take your allergy medicine?  
  
Syvia- *muffled* The skin around my eyes gets red and so puffy that it's an effort to keep them open.   
  
Anamae- Eeeeee... well that mask makes you look like an elephant woman. Dumbo wannabe!  
  
Syvia- *muffled* Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's get going.  
  
They rode across the land, at a brisk pace, slowing down at times to eat the food Vorador's Brides had so kindly packed (which consisted of sandwiches, salads and some form of drink...Syvia couldn't eat her share because of the gas mask so Anamae didn't mind taking her food), or to kill a stray Sarafan Warrior that got in their way. After an indefinite amount of time (in which nothing important really happened) they arrived at... hey!  
  
Syvia- *on her horse, beside Anamae's horse, both of which are running on a treadmill that's right in front of a revolving piece of scenery* What's wrong?  
  
We just skipped a bunch of meaningless drivel in which I could have recited a sonnet about nothing! I wanted to _read _that meaningless drivel! And what's with the cartoon gag? 

Syvia- Hey, if you can fry Anamae with a lightning bolt, _we _can have a fake piece of scenery.  
  
*Syvia and Anamae slow the horses down, which slows the treadmill down. Bucky stops turning the crank which kept the revolving piece of scenery going and slumps against it, panting. The revolving scenery stops and eventually so do the horses.*  
  
Syvia- This way we're at Ussty- Ustchy- Uschtenheim... *looks over at Anamae for confirmation* Uschtenheim?  
  
Anamae- Does it matter?  
  
Syvia- *shrugs* I guess not. *to the Narrator* It takes less travel time this way.  
  
But where's the fun in efficiency?  
  
Anamae- Oh we do it just to annoy you. *smiles sweetly and begins to laugh*  
  
Grrrrrrrr....   
  
Anamae- *sarcastically* Oooooh, whataya gonna do? You think you can beat me? Me, the wonderful and powerful comic relief Demon Hunter Anamae???  
  
Syvia blanches (not that we can tell, what with her gas mask covering her face) and hastily pulls three Radiation suits out of one of her infamous plot holes. She turns into a miniature whirlwind, slapping the suits on both the horses, and lastly herself, pausing only long enough to let Bucky climb in.  
  
Anamae- *haughtily* Aww, Syv, you're overreacting. Let the worst come!  
  
Then a super nova exploded over their heads. We'll ignore the fact that such a phenomenon would have destroyed the entire planet (making Hash'ak'gik very happy) and just say that a *ahem* 'small' crater was formed under the two young women and their livestock.  
  
Bucky- *from inside Syvia's radiation suit* Squeak squeaker squeak!  
  
Sorry Bucky, you're _not _livestock. I apologize.  
  
Bucky- *inside the suit* Squeak squeakity.  
  
Syvia pulled off her Radiation helmet (but not her mask), completely unharmed, and found that they were in the center of a crater that was a mile in diameter, and everything inside it was now pitch black... including Anamae. Bucky climbed on her head and they both gasped at the sight of their friend.  
  
Syvia- *still muffled* Are you alright!?  
  
Bucky- Squeakin!?  
  
Anamae- One of these days I'll learn to keep my mouth shut. *coughs, turns and shakes her finger at the Narrator* You're gonna get yours...  
  
Heh... and who's gonna give it to me? You of all people? Oh I see, walking away are we? Chicken, chicken!!!! BWAAAAAAAKKKKKKKK!!!! 

Syvia convinced Anamae not to answer that, and they continued riding to Uscht- Isht- Uuust- Whatever the place is called, (which, amazingly enough, was out of the blast radius). 

Anamae- Well, here we are in the quaint little hamlet of Ulshic......screw whatever this town is damn well called!!! All we have to do is just go through the mountain passes and then to Janos' home. *looks at herself* And why am I always the one to get burnt, toasted, put to a crisp and other stuff?  
  
Syvia- Hey, at least you don't have smut written about you.  
  
Anamae- *silence... crickets chirp... then* I wouldn't mind that! Whatever... we'll stay here for the night *indicates a convenient inn* it has a stable. Then we'll get up bright and early to see Janos.  
  
Bucky- Squeak?  
  
The chipmunk obviously thought these two women became easily tired because even if they traveled on horses all day to reach their supposed important destination, they took all the time in the world to get there.  
  
Anamae- Hey, Syvia also needs to rest. She's got the bad allergies. And I need to bathe.........again.  
  
So the two girls, one covered in soot, the other wearing a gas mask and radiation suit, packed the horses (wearing radiation suits) into the stables, tying them down with duct tape so no one would steal them, then flounced into the inn as best as they could. It was pretty much empty, as people steered clear of this town with the unpronounceable name in order to avoid trying to say it. Syvia pulled off the gasmask...and her face wasn't all that hideous to look upon anymore. It could have been used as the girls secret weapon when they met up with the demons (hell it would have been enough to scare away even a gas demon-)

Syvia- WATCH IT!

But moving on...

Syvia- *looking at the innkeeper* I'd like a room for two.  
  
Innkeeper- Alright, one it is.  
  
Syvia- *confused* No, two.  
  
Innkeeper- Lady, I'm correcting you. Unless you like having two beds to yourself or your carnal impulses with the chipmunk place you in need of two beds-  
  
Bucky- *infuriated squeaking with many swear words that have not been put in because it would blow everyone's heads off* SQUEAKIY!  
  
Syvia- How dare you insinuate such a thing! I am not like that at all! Anamae, tell them-  
  
Syvia turned around to find that Anamae was not behind her. She wasn't in the common room or even in the inn itself anymore.  
  
Syvia- *sighs and grimaces* Narrator, where did she go?  
  
Innkeeper- *muttering to himself* I always get the weirdoes. Why me, why here? I'm just trying to live my life!  
  
I can't tell you, Syvia. You'll have to go and explore the town itself.  
  
Syvia- Why?  
  
Because! Oh all right, I like you kid, so I'll give you a hint where Anamae went off too. *Syvia smiles happily* She found a guy she liked. I bet you can't guess.  
  
Syvia- I have not the time nor the patience for games...  
  
Innkeeper- *moving away from Syvia* I'll be over here, drinking suicidal amounts of beer and hoping you'll go away. *Bucky glared at him*  
  
The innkeeper suddenly burst into flames and died.  
  
Bucky- *grins* Squeak. (Thank you)  
  
Syvia- *dangerous voice* Can you give me a hint on who Anamae has gone after?  
  
The person's a he.  
  
Syvia- *rolls eyes* Duh.  
  
Long black hair.  
  
Syvia- *takes a pad of paper and a pen out of her pocket. Begins writing down notes* Mmm-hmmm.  
  
I guess you would say somewhat of a dashing, cutting figure. Hell, I'm a woman, but I'm not human so I wouldn't know-  
  
Bucky- *reaches into a plot hole* Squeak! *hands Syvia a photo*  
  
Syvia looked at the photo and smirked.

Syvia- I should have known.

Then without a backwards glance she turned, walked over the innkeeper's smouldering corpse and out the door....Hey! Waitaminute! I want to see that picture!  
  
Syvia- *hands the pic to the narrator* I knew if Anamae saw him she'd go bonkers. Hell, everyone knew. I mean, Faustus, eh?  
  
Well, you better hurry. At the moment Anamae in the middle of the town's square. She somehow cornered Faustus and is about to take him down for her own ---- and without a word Syvia and Bucky literally raced from the inn, burning foot prints behind them. The fire then destroyed the Inn, but to be frank, I don't give a crap. I'm looking forward to the next post!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anamae- *big grin* So am I!

Syvia: Of course you are, Anamae. This is me getting payback at you for what you wrote about me and Vorador.

Anamae: ....BRING IT ON THEN!!!

Of course!

Anamae: Not you narrator! *gets fried by another lightning bolt* You know, that is getting really old. You have to think of something new!!!


	6. When Faustus Met Anamae

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: Previous disclaimers apply. 

*Anamae and Syvia are both sitting in a Whomping Willow, which is not whomping at the moment because they have tranquilized it with Bug Spray. They are holding all the letters in their hands and trying to answer them before the tree wakes up and smashes them to bits.* 

Syvia- *chuckles* Oh, just let _me _write the smut. *snickers* Suuuure. You're gonna love this Anamae. *wiggles eyebrows* Just remember it the next time you try & write me into a compromising situation. 

Anamae- *grinning foolishly, blushing, holds up the letters* Let's get through the reviews quick, then! First, from Rockerbaby- *strokes her hair comfortingly* It's okay, it's okay! Don't worry. You reviewed this time didn't you? ^_^

Syvia- ...Moon Prism Power? Uh.. okay. ^_^ ...Are Kain and Raz in store for some punishment? 

Anamae- *evil grin* Possibly... And I do believe she was quoting from Sailor Moon.

Kain & Raz- *gulp*

Anamae- Chalecdony Blue- _Because it's always Faustus!!!!!!!!!!! _^_^ He's the best vampire around! *growls*

Syvia- And really, there's really nothing wrong with Vorador- I just didn't wanna sleep with him. What's wrong with that?!

Anamae- ..... From Silveriss- Thanks guys! ^_^ Templar- hmmm...

I am a bodiless talking head... I think... credentials? *shuffling of papers*

Syvia- We'll get back to you on that. ^_^ *oof!* *looks at "The Rules of Narration"* Keep up the good work! *listens to the vile one screaming in pain, smiles*

Anamae- Tanaquil- Thank you!!!!! ^_^ *pouts* The narrator's gunning for me. But I'm the comic relief! The comic relief never gets killed! ^_^

Syvia- You're sure about that? *Anamae looks nervous* Thanks Tanaquil! ^_^

Anamae- Next is Satsuki- *the narrator beams, Anamae grumbles* One of these days when I manage to hunt you down with a shotgun-

Syvia- Moving on! We have one from VladimirsAngel ^_^ Oh thank you! *cradles the all-purpose* Thankyou thankyou thankyou! ^_^ We just use efficiency to annoy the narrator.

*grumbling* 

Anamae- From the Cat of Fluff- *Bucky bolts away* 

Syvia- Hey!

Anamae- *hits Syvia* Don't make her angry, we still want reviews. And Bucky can run up a tree.

Syvia- *sighs* And lastly but not leastly from RedCat8- *hugs* Thank you! ^_^ I'm happy to edit. And I _really _did need the break. *Anamae nods in agreement*

Anamae- Now on with the Smut!!!!!!!!! *maniacal cackle* I would like to point out that this next chapter was wholly Syvia's creation. We both edited, but she was the perverse mind that wrote it in the first place. *smirks at Syvia trying to shush her* Oh come off it, hon, it's time the readers knew just how perverse your mind can be! 

Syvia- *glares* It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Anamae- Exactly! ^_^ That is why everyone (me included) will immensely enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 6

When Faustus Met Anamae

  
At this moment in time, Anamae indeed had Faustus cornered in a dark alleyway, and what I didn't get to say earlier was that Anamae was about to take him down for her own personal brand of amusement and-

Faustus- *coming up for air, face covered in Anamae's lipstick* I'm having a few problems understanding why this is a bad thing... *he grins and Anamae covers his mouth with hers again*

They engaged in another round, Anamae slowly unbuckling Faustus' jacket as they shared breath, mouths seeming to feed of each other. Faustus opened the clasp of Anamae's cloak, clawed fingers revealing an amazing amount of dexterity as he undid the buckle and the young woman's cloak fell to the ground. Anamae finished with the little gold clasps of Faustus' jacket and slipped it off his muscular shoulders and down his... well, halfway down his arms. His belt was still on and it was giving them both trouble, so- uh... suddenly Anamae leaned away from Faustus, and they both turned to... me.

Anamae- *grimaces* Hey buddy, you wanna stop busing up our rhythm with the too descriptive commentary?

Oh! Sorry. Continue. Anamae leaned back into Faustus with a suggestive look in her eyes, he smiled wickedly and their lips met once again. With a little bit of quick problem solving, Anamae found the clasp in the back of Faustus' belt and it clicked open, allowing her to pull the vampire's jacket off completely. Faustus pulled Anamae's shirt out of her jeans and slid a hand under the soft cloth, touching the even softer skin over her ribs. His hand began to travel up.... uh, guys?

Faustus- *turning to the narrator with heavy-lidded eyes* Yessss?

Anamae- *also looking only half-aware* This had better be good...

*gulp* Syvia and Bucky are looking for you, and are getting close to your hiding place. If you don't want to be found right now... you'd better-

They both sighed in annoyance. Faustus swept a hand under Anamae's legs, the other already at her back, and jumped smoothly to a balcony halfway up the building to their left. In a little corner that was out of the wind, they resumed their interrupted tryst.   


  
Meanwhile, down in the alleyway, Bucky and Syvia had located Anamae's cloak and Faustus' belt and jacket. Syvia grimaced and Bucky chittered worriedly. 

Syvia- Okay, they were here a while ago... *turns to the Narrator* What happened to them?

Uh... I really can't tell you.

Syvia- Why?!

Anamae would kill me.

(On the balcony) 

Anamae- *softly* Damn right I would. *Faustus smiles a bit in response and resumes their kiss*

(Alleyway)

Syvia- Oh come on! _You're_ the omnipotent one here! She couldn't possibly kill you.

But she could really, _really_ hurt me. Just like you almost did after that situation with Vorador. 

Syvia- *slaps herself on the forehead, to herself* Okay, think. How do I find them on my own?

Bucky- Ssss... squeak; ... squeaker squeakity squeak? (Uh... question; Does she really _want_ to be found?)

Syvia- *looks at Bucky in surprise* Well.... now that you mention it... probably not. *thinks about it for a while, grins slowly, chuckles* In fact, she'd probably kill me for interrupting. *looks up with a smile on her face* Okay. Have fun, Anamae. *clears her throat* _We_ will find a hotel. *Bucky draws himself up importantly. To the Narrator* Tell Anamae where we're staying when she finally... gets done, okay?

Sure thing. And with that, chuckling to herself, Syvia walked down the alleyway.

Meanwhile, on the balcony, Faustus and Anamae were looking significantly more rumpled and a great deal happier... they were still on the foreplay, but hey- it _does_ have it's moments... or so I'm told... after all, I'm just a narrator and I don't really have any knowledge of-

Anamae- *eyes closed as Faustus nuzzles her neck* A few less irrelevant comments from the peanut gallery, please?

Sorry. Ahem, Faustus pulled back for a few moments, admiring the curves of Anamae's face, the way the light glinted off her hair. She traded him look for look, falling deeply into the silver of his eyes, trailing fingertips across the ivory smoothness of his skin. Anamae reached gently up to his hair, undoing the ebony tail to let it spill about his shoulders.

Then- 

Villager- **VAMPIRE! VAMPIRE!**

Anamae & Faustus- WHAT?

*hides* It wasn't me! I didn't do it! Faustus turned quickly to the balcony doors and saw instantly that the lights were on and a hysterical older couple was shouting in fright, pointing at Faustus' fangs.  
The cry was taken up and in seconds the Sarafan were in the alleyway with torches, blades and crossbows.

*Faustus and Anamae turn panicked eyes to the alleyway and the shouting Sarafan, then angry eyes to the narrator*

I _swear_ it wasn't me!!!!!!

Anamae- *muttering frantic curse words*

Faustus- *grins* Well I'm not beholden to the Sarafan lord in _this _time. Let's fight them.  
*Anamae grins slowly in anticipation*

Not a good idea!!!!!! 

Anamae- *groaning* Why not?

Raziel of the Sarafan- Release the girl and we'll give you the mercy of a quick death, vampire.

Anamae flinched in surprise and looked down. Sure enough (please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me) six of the seven greatest warlords of the Sarafan stood in the tiny alleyway, each with his weapon at the ready.

Anamae- *softly* Oh shit...

Faustus- What is it? *he looks down* They're only humans.

Anamae- *in an urgent whisper* No! You can't fight these guys, they've killed hundreds of vampires.

Faustus- _I've_ killed hundreds of _humans_.

Anamae- Six against one, Faustus! They'll kill you!

Faustus bristled at what seemed an insult to his skill in battle- _believe _her buddy! These guys are stronger than any humans you've ever come up against! 

Faustus- *looking a little more convinced* I can't just leave you with them!

Anamae- I'll be fine as long as you get out of here- _now_! 

He opened his mouth to protest, but Anamae pressed a finger over his lips.

Anamae- _Please_ Faustus? For me? 

The vampire looked at her soberly, glanced at the Sarafan; and then, growling his annoyance, leapt to the roof of the building and far out of harm's way.

Sarafan Turel- Milady? Are you well?

Anamae- *sarcastically* Oh I'm just _peachy_!

The Sarafan Generals looked confusedly at one another at this, but explained it away as stress after such a traumatic event... *rolls eyes*

Sarafan Raziel- We shall see you safely home, milady, to keep another vampire from trying to take advantage of a woman alone. 

He gestured to his brothers in arms and Turel and Dumah entered the building, making their way up to the floor with Anamae's balcony. The young woman considered briefly opening a plot hole and bashing the Sarafan's brains out with an oversized sledgehammer, but self-control won out and she settled for crossing her arms over her chest in a gesture of supreme annoyance. 

She suffered the Sarafan's overly polite behavior, their admonitions for being out alone late at night and in Ushtch... Ustchittch... What? Well, it's not like _they _pronounced it any better than I did! With a whispered hint from me, Anamae directed them to the hotel where Syvia had finally gotten a room, and up to the relevant door.

They knocked politely, only Raziel at the door (in case the vampire was waiting inside), and waited.

Syvia- *grins* Aww, poor Anamae. I thought it'd take her longer than this.

She opened the door... having some respect for her friend's privacy, she hadn't been following the story, and therefore she didn't know who was waiting on the other side. Unexpectedly coming face to face with the Sarafan Inquisitor, she had two thoughts. 1.) _Hey... this guy's pretty hot..._ 2.) _Narrator, don't get any ideas._

With barely a hello and a kind word, the six Sarafan bustled into the room, depositing Anamae just inside the door, checked every nook and cranny before pronouncing it clean of vampires, and took their leave.

Syvia looked at her severely PO'ed friend.

Syvia- _What_ was that all about?

Anamae- *irritably* Read the chapter. 

And she walked off towards the bathroom.

Syvia- Where are you going?

Anamae- *over her shoulder* To take a cold shower, damnit!

Syvia scrolled up as Anamae had told her too, and her eyes widened. 

Syvia- Oh, _that_ had to suck.

Uh... I don't think they got to that, Syvia. And _that's _the problem. Syvia hid a smile at my little joke and- oops... Anamae poked her already wet head out of the bathroom door.

Anamae- _Not_ funny. *SLAM*

Syvia- Okay... I think we need to let her cool down... *thinks about that, grins* metaphorically speaking of course-

Anamae- *from the bathroom* I HEARD THAT! *BANG*

Syvia winced, shrugged at Bucky, and sat down on her bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anamae- *laughing her ass off, trying to breath and failing* Syvia, you write some good smut!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Syvia- *pleased smile* Thanks. ^_^

Anamae- Man, I'm in a mix of blushing and of drooling......and I love it! *giggles insanely* ...And now let me decide where this should go! *still laughing, grinning from ear to ear and blushing like a red tomato* So then, what's next on the list?

Syvia- Ten reviews and we'll _all _find out. ^_^


	7. Whole Lotta Ninjas

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: Previous disclaimers apply. We own ourselves... Bucky... and if anyone can be said to own a narrator- I guess we do.

Author's Notes: *Syvia and Anamae are now in the Shrieking Shack, Anamae petting a werewolf, who is lying on the floor with a truly miserable expression on his face. Of course he cannot move because he has an electrical collar tied to his neck. The moment he does move ZAP and there is one charred werewolf*

Syvia- Remus is letting us stay here for a while. :-) So on with the letters. First, from Fallen Templar- Awww, poor guy. Well- this chapter may make you feel a bit better. ^_^

Here they are! *presents a document which reads- "We, the bodiless entity guild, give a special dispensation to this member of the bodiless head guild, to narrate for one Syvia and one Demon Hunter Anamae, as she has shown her talent for description, making trouble, and having a grand old time with narration* ^_^ Heh, I feel so honored, and I'm not even in my 2nd year working for them!

Anamae- Oh wow... that's the first time I've seen _that_... From Rocker Baby- Leather thongs?!!!!! *drools*

Syvia- *raises an eyebrow* That's not a bazooka... *pulls out a bigger gun* _this _is a bazooka *puts it away* But you're welcome to him. ^_^

Anamae- From Light in Dark- Thank you! ^_^ We'll get to Janos in good time, don't worry. :-D

Syvia- Hmm... It'll probably take... two more chapters? Somewhere around that many. Next we have a letter from Satsuki- Thank you! ^_^

Anamae- *glares, calms down* Janos' bit _will _be quite funny. We promise. Next letter is from GoT- Oh Happy Birthday! ^_^

Syvia- And thanks for the review. ^_^ Next from bahamut- *sighs, idly watches the fight* ...what is it with these story reviews? 

Anamae- From Kain's Dark Angel- Thankee! *both bow* From Chalcedony Blue- YES! MORE FAUSTY FOR ANAMAE! I deserve him! *goes off into an insane laughing spree*

Syvia- *winces, rubs her ear* Yes- more Fausty- more Fausty... I get it. And thanks! *smiles* 

Anamae- *steals Syvia's Fausty plushie and cuddles both, Syvia pouts* From The Cat of Fluff- Yes.. *growls* Damn the Sarafan *imitates Charlton Heston* Damn them all to Hellllllll *trails off, gurgling*....

Syvia- Uh... ok. And last, from Mr. X- Oh, how mysterious :-D *catches the review* Thanks! We will see what happens to Janos. ^_^ Personally, we love making people laugh- and I never intend to stop writing! :-D

Anamae- Me neither. ^_^

Chapter 7

Whole Lotta Ninjas Who Are Incompetent Bimbos

Well, Syvia and Bucky knew (just as I did) that it was not a good time to mess with Anamae. I mean there she was with the vampire of her dreams, then it had to be ruined with the old couple and the shouting and the '**Vampire!**' and messing it all up. Of course Faustus got back at the old couple by brutally murdering them and feasting on them, but when he's angry it's better to leave him alone. So Anamae stomped out of the bathroom, flopped down angrily on her bed, and tried to fall asleep.  
  
Syvia- *flicking on the television* Hey, they have Nosgoth Monday Night Live, Anamae.  
  
Anamae- *a very long and measured silence*  
  
Bucky- Squeaky? *hands her an acorn*  
  
Like I have mentioned before, it is not a **GOOD** time to **MESS** with Anamae. She was just as P.O.'d as Faustus but unfortunately could not turn on the people of this unpronounceable town's name, which was now seriously thinking of being called something else. Meanwhile outside in the hall both Sarafan Turel and Dumah were guarding the room, on orders from Sarafan Raziel, who was out with Melchiah, Rahab and Zephon trying to hunt down the vampire.  
  
Sarafan Turel- So do you think that girl was really in danger?  
  
Sarafan Dumah- ...Hell, _I _don't think so. I mean while she looked 'scared' enough, I think she liked it.  
  
Sarafan Turel- *confused look* Huh?  
  
Sarafan Dumah- All girls like to be nearly captured and almost... *uncomfortable silence* you know....it's a Freudian thing, or so I have read.  
  
Sarafan Turel- You _read_, Dumah... _books_? *Dumah glares* If _you _know all this, then why does everyone write _me _as something of a playboy?  
  
Sarafan Dumah- Because. They know nothing of your character and therefore can make up whatever they wish of you.  
  
Sarafan Turel- *leaning close to the door and listening* Hey, they're talking. If we listen in, I'm sure we will find out the truth behind everything.  
  
So while the two Sarafan warriors _appeared _to be all noble and such, they listened like any common gossiping fishwives as Syvia explained - or _tried _to explain - to Anamae what they should do.  
  
Syvia- Don't worry, we'll find Faustus after we go tell Janos that the Circle wants him dead.  
  
Anamae- *wails loudly* But what if my Fausty gets injured?!  
  
Bucky- *offers a Kleenex. Anamae blows her nose loudly*  
  
Syvia- *pats Anamae on the back* He won't. He's capable of taking care of himself. Hell, Faustus said he's a survivor when it all comes down to it. Right, narrator?  
  
*encouragingly* Yeah, that's right!  
  
Syvia- You sure?!  
  
...Positive.  
  
Anamae- Hey, you paused before answering that! You're planning something, admit it!  
  
No, I'm not!  
  
Anamae- *pulls a bazooka from a plot hole* You better be telling the right or else it's OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!  
  
*insulted* I'm _always _right. In any event- don't worry. Oh yes, and the Sarafan outside the door have just overheard your plot to save Janos from the assassination, which was top secret, but since Turel knows he's now going to go and blab it to Raziel, who will in turn tell Moebius.  
  
Syvia- So?  
  
They're going to bump up the date of the assassination.  
  
Syvia & Anamae- *wide eyes* ....  
  
Bucky- Chirp, squeaky squeak! (That's not good!)  
  
Anamae- So what's the date?  
  
Four days from now.  
  
Syvia- Then we can get some sleep, right?  
  
Yes. You both can get your sleep. Oh- and remember, you can call up the hotel service and charge everything to the Sarafan Raziel's account. He's paying for the room.  
  
Anamae- No way. Why would he do that?  
  
Yeah, he wants to impress you guys. So you can charge everything to him, *sly tone of voice* even massages and all the all you can eat buffet.  
  
Syvia- Well, _I'm_ impressed!  
  
Anamae- *sniffles slightly* I'm still worried about my Fausty... and to medicate the problem...*pulls out the phone near the bedside table and dials* ...I'm gonna order everything sweet.   
  
Are you planning to save Janos any time soon?  
  
Syvia & Anamae- YES! But we need to sleep; we girls have to look our best! 

Syvia, Anamae & Bucky got up the next morning, binged on the sweets they hadn't eaten yesterday and were floating on a nice little sugar high, feeling better about everything. Faustus was fine after all, Janos was still alive, and the Sarafan were actually okay to have as guards, as they mostly followed orders and the girls were more than intelligent enough to work around them and their pestering interference. In their slumber, however, they'd forgotten about one teensy, weensy, insignificant detail...  
  
Syvia- *straightening her shirt* What detail?  
  
Oh! Uh- and then someone knocked on the door! With a suspicious look in my direction, Syvia stood and walked over to it, pausing with her hand on the knob.  
  
Syvia- Am I going to be angry with you for not telling me who's on the other side of this?  
  
*cringes* The young woman reached out and pulled the door open. It was Moebius.  
  
Syvia- *Wide-eyed stare* ............  
  
Moebius- .............  
  
Syvia- .............  
  
Moebius- .............  
  
Uh, Mr. Time Streamer Guy? You might want to cover your ears.  
  
Moebius- What?  
  
Syvia- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!  
  
In classic cartoon style, Syvia screamed and shut the door in his face. She stood there for a while, Bucky, who'd heard her, came and tugged at her pant leg. In shock, Syvia was still standing there, and didn't notice him. Bucky looked at her, alarmed, and somehow (we won't ask how) he opened the door.

Moebius looked in the room, his expression confused, then he looked down. Noticing Bucky, his eyebrows- or rather where he would have had eyebrows (as he has no hair) - *snickers at the bald joke*  
  
Moebius- *interrupting* Watch it.  
  
*ahem* - rose. Bucky's eyes grew wide and he too gave a squirrelish scream of fright and slammed the door in Moebius' face. Bucky staggered over to Syvia, who was sitting on the floor by now. 

Then a noise which sounded like a hairdryer (because it was) turned off in the bathroom and Anamae walked out. She looked at her two friends, alarmed.  
  
Anamae- What?! What is it? I heard yelling and high-pitched screaming that sounded like it was coming from an old man that never hit puberty!  
  
Still shocked, staring into middle distance, Syvia and Bucky both pointed towards the door. Anamae, confused, walked over and opened it to find a very sulky looking Time Streamer whose arms were folded over his chest. Anamae's eyes grew wide. Moebius hastily pulled out a pair of earmuffs and jammed them on his head. Anamae screamed and slammed the door in his face.  
  
Moebius- *to the Narrator, deadpan* Oh very funny, har, har, har.  
  
If you think _that's _funny. *clears throat* Then all the doors in that hallway opened up and their occupants caught sight of the Time Streamer. All of them screamed in fright and slammed their doors. Growling in annoyance, Moebius jerked open Syvia and Anamae's door and entered.

Anamae- *glaring* Why the hell are you here? I thought you were still ass up in the snow!  
  
Moebius- I got out eventually- then I tracked you two down. *dramatically* And now I must make sure that you don't tell Janos we're planning to kill him. I am here to silence you both!  
  
Syvia- *skeptically* Oh _really_? How?  
  
Moebius then snapped his fingers and walked into the room like he owned it. Suddenly the song 'Everybody Was Kung-Fu Fighting' *gotta love that song* began to play and black clad ninjas appeared from nowhere. They were whirling around their nunchucks, ninja stars, katanas and other Oriental-styled weapons. Bucky began to squeak and run around the room in the only way that a squirrel could, then decided to high-tail it out of the room via the opened window. Syvia and Anamae stood back to back as the ninjas closed in; Moebius had a look of supreme smugness on his face.  
  
Anamae- Ninjas.  
  
Syvia- Options?  
  
Anamae- Fight 'em?  
  
Syvia- Ready?  
  
Anamae- Set.  
  
Syvia & Anamae- GO!  
  
While the hit single from the 70's was playing, both girls lashed out at the ninjas. Now neither of them actually knew any mystical moves that these guys did, but did that stop or deter them in any way? Hell no! Anamae opened up a plot hole and took out the ever trustful and somewhat overrated bazooka with the fishnet inside and fired, taking down about 3 ninjas. She then followed up by using an old Jackie Chan move again two other; she stood in between them and as they charged, she simply ducked out of the way. A resounding clunk filled the room as both of their heads hit, indicating that these ninjas indeed did not have much of a brain. Syvia somehow managed to lift one of the beds over her head (when a person is in distress, they can do amazing things) and threw it at another 2 ninjas.  
  
1st ninja: Holy crap, that woman is strong!  
  
2nd ninja: We can't get the bed off of us! *tries to move, hears his spine snap* Aww crap!

Syvia then did a spectacular upwards kick, aiming for the ninja's covered face. Well, she got about halfway and managed to hit him somewhere far more important to men.

3rd ninja: *in a high-pitched voice* There goes my chances for having a family.

Oh Syvia, you can be SO vicious!   
  
Moebius at this moment was beginning to panic. His ultimate ninjas (which he had bought on Ninja Online for the price of a few cheese pizzas) had gotten their asses kicked and now he was all alone. All alone against 2 people that no one felt like making angry.  
  
Syvia- Damn straight. *cracks her knuckles*  
  
Anamae- You think you can take us out like that, old man? We don't take kindly to such things! And we're gonna go and tell Janos about what's going to happen to him because he deserves a chance to live just like we do.  
  
Moebius- Oh, come on now. He's a freak of nature.  
  
You should take a look in a mirror, buddy.  
  
Moebius- What does that mean?  
  
It means that if _I_ could travel through time, then I'd damn well make sure your parents had never met at that drunken rave.  
  
Moebius- Shut up!  
  
*While the narrator is arguing on with Moebius about how the finer points of his non-existent living would benefit the world, Anamae and Syvia creep out the window and down to the stables. They move past their supposed Sarafan bodyguards and grab their horses, meet up with Bucky just outside of town and finally begin their trek through the mountains to Janos' fortress.*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Syvia- Damn, Anamae, you turned me into Xena at the end there. *Anamae grins* *Syvia notices something* Umm, you _do _realize that we didn't put any saddles on the horses?

Anamae- So?

Syvia- Our butts will hurt...

Anamae- Oh, then we'll use a car. *instantly the horses become cars* Happy?

Syvia- No Benze?

Anamae- Look, the important thing is to save Janos. *turns to the reviewers* Yes siree, if you people want to see how we manage to save (or fail in saving) Janos then you will have to leave the usual ten to eleven reviews- 

Syvia- That's right! We'll take more if you want to give them to us! 

Anamae- *ahem* -to see just how badly we can screw things up!

Syvia- Oh, that's encouraging!


	8. The Great Chipmunk Debate

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: Previous disclaimers apply. We own ourselves, Bucky and the Narrator.

Author's Notes: *Anamae and Syvia are sitting in front of the odd-looking green-flame fireplace of the Hogwarts Potion Dungeon.*

Syvia- *sounding something like Vincent Price* Reviews?

Anamae- First from Satsuki- First from Satsuki- Why do you do this to me?  
Seriously, why?

Syvia- Templar- Thanx and yep- the Vile one is _really, really_ cheap. 

Anamae- Wolfywoman- I _will _see my Fausty again, happily. Just not for a little while. 

Syvia- Hello Rocker Baby ^_^ Ninjas _are _good for a party, but not when they're working for Moebius. 

Anamae- *drools at the thong-wearing men* Now from Morbid Knight- Hello to you too! *winces* Uh... I hope you get that fixed soon...

Syvia- Hi again Bahamut :-p - oh... too true. Heyyyy- watch the language on reviews, Cornugon. We're keeping this thing PG-13, alright?

Anamae- *lol* Cookies to Discordia- who was the only one to notice! ^_^

Syvia- Bucky's transformation was an accident (_my_ accident), but we ended up making a joke out of it. :-p Don't worry- Moby will feel more pain! We guarantee it.

Anamae- Now from Silveriss- *both bow, smile and thank her* 

Syvia- We love you, hon! ^_^ Next review from The Cat of Fluff! *wide grin* I may deafen people through my potty mouth. :-D

Anamae- Last but not least, VladimirsAngel- *hugs from Syvia* Shhhh! Don't give Moebius hints! 

Syvia- Thanks. :-D And now for the next chapter.

Chapter 8

The Great Chipmunk Debate and Fighting Sarafan 

They ran along the mountain path of Ushten- oh, I give up. Which, on a good day, results in a 30 minute walk to Janos' retreat. Of course- something was about to go wrong.   
  
Anamae- *indignantly, looking at the Narrator* _Why?_   
  
Syvia- *grimacing* Because something _always_ goes wrong.  
  
Bucky chittered indignantly on Syvia's shoulder, agreeing with her. Anamae sighed in annoyance and they continued their brisk walk along the path. Suddenly Anamae put a hand on Syvia's shoulder, signaling to wait. She pointed to her ear, then forward, telling her companion to listen. Syvia-   
  
Syvia- *in a terse whisper* Would have been able to _hear _if it hadn't been for a certain mouthy narrator who's talking too loud.  
  
*softer* Sorry. Syvia stopped, and suddenly heard what Anamae had. There were voices up ahead. The girls moved to the side of the path and edged along the road so they could look upon the speakers unnoticed.

  
Anamae stood at the edge of the wall and carefully peered around. The Sarafan stood in a small encampment in a large section of the path. They watched as a Sarafan Captain briefed his men.  


Captain- *lisping tone and waving his hands about in a feminine way* Alright girlies now here's the deal, the big cheese, the reason why we're all out here and not at home knitting booties for the child that's due in two weeks time. *gets a far off look in his eyes* Two girls, named Syvia and Anamae, both of extreme temperament and bad fashion taste, are trying to come and save Janos Audron. Now when you see them you have to hit them over the head with these trashcans. *holds up trashcans* They can stop them... or so we have reason to believe.  
  
The Sarafan group laughed, only it wasn't the deep, manly laughter that some would expect. Nope, it was more tended towards the high pitched girly squealing, or at least a very bad imitation of it.  
  
Syvia- *slapping her forehead* This is pathetic- we have to go through them? Tell me I'm dreaming!  
  
Anamae- *hits Syvia over the head with a rolled-up newspaper*  
  
Syvia- OUCH!  
  
Anamae- Nope, you're not dreaming!  
  
Syvia- They'll take up loads of our valuable time if we try to fight them, not to mention their high-pitched screaming is going to get on my nerves.  
  
Well, the two decided what they could do. And then they hit upon a brilliant scheme, a plan that could not be ruined and was in fact bulletproof and foolproof!  
  
Anamae- And the plan is?  
  
I cannot say, I am the narrator!  
  
Syvia- Why you little $@!$@$?%#%&#!&!!!  
  
And uttering such obscene words, Syvia made the Sarafan patrol's heads blow up just like that!  
  
Bucky- Squ..eak!  
  
Damn straight, Bucky. Couldn't have said it better myself. And now without the guards in their way, the girls with the bad fashion taste continued on their way.  
  
Anamae- HEY! I can't vouch for Syvia on this, but I happen to like my sports pants, black sneakers, black shirt and green trench coat! You can't get any better than this! *fixes glasses*  
  
Whatever... *Anamae glares* Right! Last time I say anything like that!   


So the two tiptoed through the blood and gore, careful not to get their sneakers dirty, and kept moving through the mountain path. But then-   
  
Anamae- *annoyed* Something went wrong?  
  
No. The two girls saw a familiar face. Anamae and Syvia looked up, around, did a full 360 in fact, and saw nothing.  
  
Syvia- Okay, where's the familiar face?  
  
Wait for it.   
  
Anamae- How long are we going to be waiting? Is there time for lunch?  
  
No.   
  
Syvia- *tapping her foot on the ground* I'm getting bored.  
  
Waiiiiiit for iiiiiiit-  
  
Anamae & Syvia- OW!   
  
Someone charged into them from the back and bowled both girls over in the snow. Bucky sat on Syvia's head and chittered in the way that only a squirrel... wait a second.  
  
Soul Reaver Raziel- Yes?  
  
Oh, not you, Raz- I meant the girls. Feel free to continue your quest for vengeance.  
  
SR Raz- *waves goodbye and runs off*  
  
Anamae- *to the narrator* What is it?  
  
When did Bucky become a squirrel?  
  
Anamae- *what the hell does that have to do with anything- face* _What?_  
  
Well re-read the bit with you two in Vorador's mansion. Didn't Bucky start his existence in the fic as a chipmunk?  
  
Anamae- *flipping back a few chapters* Why so he did...   
  
We were both quiet for a few moments, pondering this turn of events, when suddenly, Syvia, who had been sitting there quietly all this time, shouted.  
  
Syvia- ANAMAE!  
  
Anamae- *jumps* What?!  
  
Syvia pointed, distraught, at the path before them and the cloven footprints that marked the snow.  
  
Syvia- That was Raziel!  
  
Anamae- So?  
  
*Clears throat* The narrator would like to take this time to point out that enormous SR2 spoilers are about to be revealed.  
  
Anamae- As if we haven't already given away about half of the game.  
  
Syvia chuckled softly.   
  
Syvia- So Raziel goes to talk to Janos, and he opens up a way for the Sarafan to get up into the Retreat and kill him!  
  
Anamae- What?!  
  
Sarafan Raziel- Heyyyy, how did you two know that?  
  
The girls turned around, pointed at the six Sarafan warriors and screamed. They looked at each other and screamed. Then I decided to cut out the screaming gag.   
  
Syvia- Awww, but I liked the screaming gag.  
  
My ears hurt.  
  
Anamae- You _have_ ears?  
  
Sarafan Turel- Aren't we forgetting something?  
  
Syvia- Like what?  
  
Sarafan Raziel shook his head in amazement.   
  
Sarafan Raz- Like the vampire-demon who's heart I'm supposed to rip out and who you're supposed to save from that grizzly fate?  
  
Anamae- He's right.  
  
Syvia- A first.  
  
Anamae- Kill 'em?  
  
Syvia- Raz's job.  
  
Anamae- Bash 'em?  
  
Syvia- The head?  
  
Anamae- Which one?  
  
Syvia- *grimaces* Be serious.  
  
Anamae- Don't wanna!  
  
Sarafan Zephon- CAN WE STOP WITH THE TWO-WORD CONVERSATION, PLEASE?  
  
Both Girls- *smirking* HELL NO!  
  
And with that the two pulled out sledgehammers and proceeded to bash the Sarafan senseless.  


So Syvia was responsible for taking out Raziel, Turel and Rahab, while Anamae was stuck with Dumah, Zephon and Melchiah.  
  
Syvia- Hey, no fair!  
  
Anamae- What?  
  
Syvia- You get two of the weakest ones while I'm stuck with the stronger ones!  
  
Anamae- Hey, Dumah is more than a match for all these guys. If anything the narrator gave us a bad mix and match!  
  
Sarafan Dumah- *puffing his chest out with pride* Why thank you!  
  
Sarafan Turel- Hey, I thought I was the strongest!  
  
Sarafan Raziel- No, I am! *the two begin to fight, bitch slapping each other until they roll off into the snow and off the edge of a cliff*  
  
Sarafan Zephon- Did you just insult me?  
  
Anamae- Yeah, I did!  
  
Sarafan Zephon- That's it, I'm taking you out! *charges at her with his spear* AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Well Anamae sure as hell couldn't move away fast enough and Syvia was trying to bop Rahab over the head with her sledgehammer so there was no help from there. Suddenly Melchiah kicked Zephon upside the head and sent him careening into the snow canyons below, following both Turel and Raziel who, yes, were still falling and managing to hit each other all the same.  
  
Anamae- *clapping her hands* Alright, Melchiah! You saved my life!  
  
Dumah- _I _could have done that!  
  
Syvia- *turning away from Rahab, who has stopped attacking her because she gave him a cross-word puzzle* But you didn't. You just stood there! Some brave warrior you are!  
  
Dumah- I _am _a brave warrior!  
  
Anamae- Prove it.  
  
Dumah- Alright then, I will! What daring feat would you like me to perform to show my bravery?

  
Syvia and Anamae grinned at each other; Bucky was helping Rahab and Melchiah solve the massive cross-word puzzle and as such did not see what was about to happen.

  
Anamae- Well Dumah, if you really _are _brave, then jump off the edge of the cliff after your brothers. *everyone looks at her strangely* I mean... battle brothers!!! Battle your brothers! That will show Syvia and me just how brave and strong you really are! *Syvia and Anamae bat their eyelashes at him*  
  
Dumah- *blushing* Very well then!  
  
Long story short, Dumah jumped off the edge of the cliff.  
  
Syvia- Was that jump more of a swan dive or belly flop?  
  
Anamae- I dunno. Dumah isn't very bright, is he? Strong and ruggedly handsome, yeah, but bright....God forgot to give him a full brain.  
  
Syvia- I think we took care of the menace to Soul Reaver Raz and Janos quite well.  
  
Girls, what about those two? *both look over at Melchiah and Rahab with the puzzle*  
  
Syvia- They'll be busy for hours. And besides, I don't have the heart to beat up on them, when you think of what will happen in the next few centuries.  
  
Anamae- _Especially _to Melchiah.  
  
So the girls quickly continued on their way with Bucky the chipmunk/squirrel, leaving Rahab and Melchiah in the snowdrifts as they tried to solve the puzzle.  
  
Rahab- 4 letter word, third letter I.  
  
Melchiah- Skin?  
  
Rahab- *agitated* What is it with you and skin?   
  
Melchiah- *shrugs* I dunno. Okay, how about...  
  
And somewhere in Janos' fortress, as he was doing his afternoon aerobics workout, the winged vampire paused and gave a slight shudder.  
  
Janos- Great evil is coming this way...in the form of...2 inter-dimensional aliens...*considers everything*...eeh- I am well protected here!

=====================================================

Syvia- Next we will actually... probably... get into Janos' fortress. :-D

Anamae- That's right- if you wanna hear about Janos' Porn Star T-shirt, fork over the reviews!

Syvia- Shh, don't tell them everything!

Anamae- Hey, I'm dropping little tidbits in advance so they'll be quicker with our ten reviews! And pink-

Syvia- *clamping a hand over Anamae's mouth* Don't listen to her, she doesn't know what she's talking about! *nervous smile* Review please. :-D


	9. The Amazing Technicolor Wardrobe

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: Previous disclaimers apply. We own ourselves and the Narrator. Bucky the former chipmunk was inspired by the squirrel from _The Emperor's New Groove_.

****

Crazy Dragon is responsible for the appearance of Janos' Porn Star T-shirt, as she was the one to draw him wearing it. *smirks*

Author's Notes: *Syvia and Anamae are sitting in the Astronomy Tower, late at night, serenaded by the sounds of young Hogwarts students smooching in the darkened corners and the bubble of cauldrons as a smattering of Slytherins cook up evil spells*

Anamae- As there is a touch of smut in this chapter, this is an appropriate place to be to announce it. :-p Thirteen reviews! 

Syvia- We're so honored!

Anamae- First letter- Hello Bahamut Epyon- ^_^ Yes! And now even _more _madness! No one can stop us!! *evil laughter* ...Except for bunnies! *begins singing the bunny song with fireworks going off behind her*

Syvia- *A bit singed* Alright Anamae. Hello Plink- ^_^ Pink hot pants... *drools*

Anamae- VladimirsAngel- *Syvia sends her a GLOMP in the mail* ^_^ I loved that solution.... I _wrote _that solution. Thanks! 

Syvia- Helloooo Templar! *nods* Very good, I see nothiiiiiing. :-D Thanks! And to Chalcedony Blue- Thank you! *lol* See- Bucky indeed began life as a chipmunk, but as Anamae & I both were thinking of the squirrel from _The Emperor's New Groove_ while writing about him, when I accidentally began to call him a squirrel, it took us a while to notice. 

Anamae- Then Syvia made a joke about the mistake, and instead of making Bucky a squirrel from the beginning, or keeping him a chipmunk throughout the fic, we left the joke in. ^_^ P.S.: Yes, Rahab is _very _cute, and please check out _Wellspring of the Universe_! ^_^ Next- to Evelin The Winged... Syv?

Syvia- I e-mailed you, hon, but again, I promise I am working on RB. Fics like LoK Fluff and WCWN are just easier to write and post. That's why this chapter is up before chapter ten of Restoring Balance. 

Anamae- That and we promised that every ten reviews would earn a new chapter. Next is an unsigned review- Thank you very much! To The Cat of Fluff- ^_^ *Bucky looks worried* Just don't kill him, okay? *hugs the Platinum Seal*

Syvia- To Rocker Baby- *grins* Thank you! *cringes in mock-terror* Oooooh, the SPOON! *dramatic moozak*

Anamae- What was that? 

Syvia- It was dramatic moozak.

Anamae- Oh. Next, to Shady- *grins* Oh, you have to love that Clan Lord. Dumah gets a bad rap, but deep down he needs some love and cuddling. Dumah fangirl *points to herself* all the way!!!!

Syvia- To Discordia- It does indeed and thank you! You were number eighty. ^_^ *throws her another box of sweets*

Anamae- To Bahamut- *looks a little dazed after the encounter with Glasya* Uh... thank.. you. *smiles confusedly* Now I'm gonna sit over here and look the other way. *looks at a rock* Oooh, interesting...

Syvia- To Temperamence- *smiles modestly* We try. 

Anamae- But I do a better job. ^_^ *receives a look from Syvia* What?  


Chapter 9

The Amazing Technicolor Wardrobe of Janos Audron

  
Bucky- Squeak squeakity. ( How come I wasn't mentioned?)  
  
Where?  
  
Bucky- Squeaker squeaken squeak. (When Janos mentioned the great evil aliens?)  
  
Anamae- Aliens?! Aliens are after Janos too?! Aww, damnit! If it isn't one thing, it's another!  
  
Syvia- *reminiscent of Mario from the SMB movie* Anamae- _we're_ the aliens!  
  
Anamae- We are? Cool! *thinks about changing her skin color to red*  
  
So the girls kept walking, unbothered until they reached the frozen pond surrounding Janos' Retreat. They stood at the far edge and surveyed the area.  
  
Anamae- *with binoculars* Okay, there's a little island over to that side that looks like it's about 4 meters-  
  
That's not what I meant!  
  
Syvia- *tosses her clipboard and pencil into a plot hole* I knew that!  
  
Anamae- Again- how are we gonna get in there?  
  
The two looked up, and up, and up, and up, and up, and up, and up, and up, and up, and up-  
  
Anamae, Syvia & Bucky- WE GET THE POINT!  
  
To the balcony at the top of the mountain- Where Janos was doing cool-down exercises after his workout. He was wearing a pair of grey short-shorts and his 'porn-star' T-shirt and-  
  
Anamae- *looking through the binoculars, catcalls* Take it off, baby!  
  
Syvia- *reaching for the binoculars* Let me see!

She grabbed the binoculars and whistled as well. 

Syvia- *singing* Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight-

Both- Get down tonight!

They continued singing and Anamae reached over to take back the binoculars. The girls then had a five minute fight over them before they slipped in the snow, dropping the binoculars over the cliff and onto the ice below-  
  
Anamae- No problem! I'll get them back. *walks over to the cliff*  
  
Errr... *ahem* dropping them over a cliff and into the water below.  
  
Syvia- *to the narrator* Heyyyy!  
  
Can we move along please?  
  
Anamae- Fine. How do we get in? *whispers behind her hand* Hopefully before he's done with the workout?  
  
Syvia- Well, Raz is already inside the Retreat and any minute now he's gonna- *BOOM!!!!!*  
  
The girls swayed as a wall of rock exploded outward from the base of the Retreat.  
  
Anamae- 'any minute he's gonna' do that?  
  
Syvia nodded, a wry expression on her face.   
  
Anamae- *grinning* Trust Raz to make a good entrance... or is that exit? Either way, let's get in there.  
  
Syvia- Oh wait! That's right, we can't get in that way until Raz is done.   
  
Anamae- Why?   
  
Syvia- Well he needs to solve a bunch of puzzles to make a path that flightless people can use.   
  
Anamae- That's no problem.   
  
She promptly opened a plot hole and pulled out two jet packs.   
  
Anamae- We can just use these. We don't need to wait for _anyone_, Syv- there's always an open door... or window. *she grins*  
  
Syvia grinned, then grimaced.   
  
Syvia- But there's a door in there that only Raz can open.   
  
Anamae- *shouldering her pack* We'll burn that bridge when we come to it.  
  
The girls made ready and put their hands to the starting buttons, then- wait. *sighs* I just can't take it anymore.  
  
Syvia- Whassamatter?  
  
You two have jet packs. You could just fly from here to his balcony. Why don't you do _that_?  
  
Anamae- The narrator is making sense. *pouts* I don't like it when things make sense.  
  
Bucky- *chitters in amusement*  
  
The girls grinned sheepishly, shrugged and launched into the air, aiming for Janos' private chamber. Syvia and Anamae went blasting up to Janos' room, hitting various parts of their bodies on the cliff wall and sculpture because they didn't know how to operate the jetpacks all that well. Anamae tossed Bucky down onto the balcony, then landed and raced out of the way as Syvia careened, out of control, into the room. She slid along the floor, past three priceless vases (which got broken) and onto the Persian rug, which slid through the door and into the room where Janos was cooling down from his exercises, still wearing his extremely yummylicious outfit.  
  
Janos looked at Syvia. Syvia looked at Janos.  
  
Janos- And you are?  
  
Well, Syvia blushed at him. Hell, the Ancient was over 3000 years old but he didn't look it and as far as Syvia was concerned he was opened for 'hunting'.... The kind that involved a rope instead of a gun... *wink wink*  
  
Syvia- Narrator, shut up!  
  
Make me!  
  
Anamae- *innocently* Indeed, Syvia is blushing quite a bit and she's been looking at Janos for a fairly long time now...  
  
Syvia- Anamae!! -_-  
  
Anamae- What?! *innocently* I'm just standing here, minding my own business... looking at the hottie...

Syvia- Anamae!!!!   
  
Janos- *looking confused* Excuse me, but why are you ladies here?  
  
Anamae- *politely* Well Janos we're here because we need to save you from the Sarafan who're coming to kill you.  
  
Janos- O-kkkkkkaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy.... While I appreciate the thought, I assure you both that I am perfectly safe. I cannot die until I've passed the Reaver on to the next guardian.   
  
Syvia- And the Guardian in question is Raziel, right?  
  
Janos looked at them curiously.   
  
Janos- Yes, actually... how did you know?  
  
Anamae- *bright, distracting smile* That's not really important! What _is_ important is that Raz is about to get here and the Sarafan will be right behind him. *begins to talk faster* And after the Sarafan kill you, Vorador's gonna kill the circle, and Raz is gonna kill the Sarafan, and Malek's gonna *grandiose announcer voice* 'swear to wreak vengence upon him' and-  
  
Syvia- Anamae, Anamae- calm down.  
  
Anamae, breathing heavily, nodded at Syvia.  
  
Janos- *looking around* Who's that?  
  
Anamae- *gasping* Our... narrator...  
  
Hi, Janos! And Janos waved, somewhat confusedly, towards my voice. *happy grin* Inn't he sweet? But then part of what Anamae had said pierced Janos' brain.  
  
Janos- Ow...  
  
Bucky- *monotone* Squeak, squeaky. (That was a cheap laugh.)  
  
Janos looked slightly hurt, but returned to the matter at hand.  
  
Janos- Raziel is coming? Really?! *runs off*   
  
Syvia- Where are you going?  
  
Janos- I have to change my outfit!  
  
Anamae- *incredulous* What?!  
  
The Ancient walked back into the room and gestured to his shorts and t-shirt.  
  
Janos- I am _not_ going to meet my successor wearing _this_.  
  
Anamae- Why not? You look good. *leers at him* I think I speak for all the girls when I say-  
  
Syvia- Anamae.  
  
Anamae- You'd say it too, don't try to deny it.  
  
Syvia only glared at her friend. Oh, come on, girl, you know you would.   
  
Syvia- Shut up.  
  
*mockingly* Shut up.  
  
Then Syvia threateningly pulled out a roll of duct tape and glared at- okay, I get the hint. Meanwhile, Anamae had inched over to the doorway of Janos' closet. Her mouth fell open.  
  
Syvia- What are you doing!?  
  
Anamae- Syv, you've got to see this!  
  
Syvia- No!  
  
Anamae- This is _fascinating_! Syv, get over here!  
  
Anamae finally had to drag her modest- *raspberry* modest my ass.   
  
Syvia- *to the fourth wall* Watch it, buddy.  
  
*whistles innocently* -friend over to the door. They both looked. Syvia's eyebrows rose and she let out a gasp. They were both silent for a time, awed expressions on their faces. The girls tilted their heads to the side just a bit, adjusting their view.  
  
Syvia- ...So _that's _how he gets his vests over his wings!  
  
Janos ran out with an outfit on, to test its appeal with the two girls. He was- oh Gods. *stifling laughter* He walked out wearing a pair of hot pink trousers and a neon orange vest.   
  
Janos- What do you think?  
  
*continuing to stifle her laughter* The girls looked at each other.  
  
Syvia & Anamae- Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee  


Anamae- Um Janos...  
  
Syvia- With all due respect...  
  
Anamae- Maybe you should go for something...  
  
Syvia- More serious. Since such a formal event...

Anamae- Is about to take place.  
  
Janos looked at the two girls, then at his clothing.  
  
Janos- What is wrong with this?  
  
Syvia- Look, you have to be dignified when you meet Raziel and that outfit just doesn't...complement your beautiful physique.  
  
Anamae- Yeah, Janos. *light bulb moment* I'll help you dress!!!!  
  
Anamae latched onto the Ancient's arm and dragged him back into the room. Syvia had an idea of what Anamae meant by 'helping Janos dress' but she didn't know if she really wanted to look or-  
  
Syvia- *incredulous look* What do you mean? Of course I want to look!  
  
Oh, okay then. So Syvia ran after Anamae and Janos. The three stood in his changing room, where Anamae was pulling pieces of clothing out of his wardrobe, tossing them onto the floor while Janos stood behind the screen, buck neekid!  
  
Anamae- *holding up a blue robe* Not dignified enough. *tosses it, then comes up with leather pants* Always a winner. *folds them over her arm then takes out the white over robe* Ka-CHING! Here's something you can wear, Janos!

  
She grabbed the clothing and dashed behind the changing screen, giving a knowing wink to Syvia.  
  
Bucky- Squueak? (Do I want to know what's about to happen?)  
  
Oh come on now Bucky, you know I don't think you're that stupid. Giggling came from behind the changing screen. Oh Syvia, it looks like you're not in on the fun!  
  
Syvia- *rolling up her sleeves* We'll see about that. I'm just as hot-blooded as Anamae is!  
  
And with that said, Syvia dove behind the screen to help Janos *ahem* change into his more dignified clothing.  
  
Janos- *in a somewhat panicked voice* Ladies, I think I can get changed by- *starts laughing* stop tickling me...I can change myself you know! *starts laughing again* *gasps* Hey, that's unwanted touching!!!!!  
  
Come Bucky, let's leave them alone. I might hurl my lunch if I have to hear or narrate that any longer. So Bucky and I left the trio alone....gawd, horny young women nowadays!  
  
Anamae & Syvia: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*Doorbell rings*  
  
Soul Reaver Raz: *standing outside the door* Hellooooooooo!!! Janos, are you home? I came all this way to receive the information you possess!!! *Hears giggling inside the room* But maybe I came at a bad time....

====================================

Syvia- To smut... or not to smut... that is the question!

Anamae- Which isn't a question at all, really. ^_^

Syvia- Get us to 90 reviews-

Anamae- Or even further! We won't mind!

Syvia- and see what happens next! :-D

Anamae- *nod nod nod* Okay Syvia, I pass the torch to you. You write the smut, I write the fighting, that's the way this partnership goes.

Syvia- *laughs* So long as we both write the comedy. ^_^ *Takes the torch solemnly and begins running with it. She suddenly trips and falls flat on her face, still holding the torch up.* ...Ow. *Stumbles to her feet and hands Anamae the torch*   


Anamae- I got the torch! I got it!!! *loses the torch and it falls into the water* ...Damn it.... Okay, if that's any indication, maybe there _won't _be smut in the next chapter. 

Syvia- ...Maybe there'll be fighting?

*both shrug*  



	10. The Poor Huffy Narrator

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: Previous disclaimers apply. We own ourselves and the Narrator. Bucky the former chipmunk was inspired by the squirrel from _The Emperor's New Groove_.

Crazy Dragon is responsible for the appearance of Janos' Porn Star T-shirt, as she was the one to draw him wearing it. 

Author's Notes: *Syvia and Anamae are deep in the Forbidden Forest, having tea with Firenze, a stack of letters on the felled tree they're using as a table*

Syvia- Reviews! ^_^ Ten nice reviews *flips them out* First to Raziella D. Reaver- Who sent us two! Thanks, hon. ^_^ Here's the next chapter.

Anamae- Shady- ^_^ Oh no, the short-shorts were lovely! Don't worry too much about Raz- *smirks* To Rocker Baby- We'll see. ^_^ *takes a sip of her tea, which is laced with Stagni*

Syvia- To Plink- ^_^ *lmao* Too right. But don't worry, Raz will have some attention. ^_^

Anamae- Concept of a Demon- Okay! Okay! Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay! Please stop shouting! My ears are sensitive but we're glad all the same that you are enjoying this shameless round of LoK bashing. 

Syvia- Fallen Templar- ^_^ Thanks, buddy! Can't wait to see your stuff on here. :-D

Anamae- To VladimirsAngel- *snickers* Sorry about that. Yes- he always looks good in the leather. *drools*

Syvia- *waits patiently for Raz to come back, he does* ^_^ Okay, now we can begin the chapter. *waves goodbye to VA* :-D

Anamae- Morbid Knight- You got it!

Syvia- Chalcedony Blue- *lol* You are absolutely right! This is what I've been saying during the whole fic! :-D

Chapter 10

The Poor Huffy Narrator and the Morons She Puts Up With

Raziel had finally resorted to using the doorbell. He rang it once, then twice, then started to tap out a melody. All were ignored by the giggling trio. Bucky had fallen asleep, but was jolted awake by the sudden quickening pace of the doorbell melody.   
  
Bucky- *chitters angrily*  
  
He looked towards the changing screen, tilting his head in confusion at the odd-looking shadows cast by the three gigglers. Bucky shook his head in annoyance and scampered to the door. After looking for a moment at the door he climbed up the side and jumped up and down on the doorknob. The door opened and Raziel walked in.  
  
Raziel- Janos...Audron?  
  
Raziel looked around, his eyebrows rose and he tried again.  
  
Raziel- Janos Audron? ...Are you home?  
  
Then he turned and caught sight of Bucky.  
  
Raziel- You wouldn't happen to know where-  
  
Bucky chittered pleasantly at him and pointed towards the screen. Raziel nodded and thanked the squirrel before heading for the relevant area. ...Bucky...  
  
Bucky- Squea? (Yes?)  
  
Why didn't you warn him about what's going on back there?   
  
Bucky- *evil little grin*  
  
Raziel- *poking his head around the screen* Janos Audron, I-  
*gasp* What on earth are you three doing?!  
  
Anamae- What? It's fun!   
  
Syvia- C'mon, I bet you've never done this before!  
  
Janos- Raziel, my child- come and join us. This is an odd activity, but interesting... although I have something of a disadvantage...  
  
Anamae- Depends entirely on which way you're facing. The position I'm in right here? Very comfortable.   
  
Syvia- Uh... I think I'm getting a cramp in my back.  
  
Raziel shrugged and walked behind the screen. *snickers* The giggling continued, with a new voice added.   
  
*a few hours later*  
  
Bucky had fallen asleep again. Unfortunately, a very annoyed Moebius had rounded up the Sarafan Six and was personally leading them up to Janos' chambers. Bucky raised his head slowly and blinked bleary eyes at the ranting and raving Time Streamer.  
  
Bucky- *confused* Squeak? (What?)  
  
Moebius- *At the door* See?! There's their foul chipmunk!  
  
Bucky- Squeakin! (Squirell!)  
  
That's not how you spell Squirrel.   
  
Bucky- Squea? (Oh?)  
  
Moebius- But out, narrator!  
  
Well I never! *pouts* Fine then! I'm not going to narrate at all, then you'll see how bad the story becomes without me! I'm gonna go and have a pity tea party for myself. *sniffle*  
  
Sarafan Rahab- Awww, don't be that way.  
  
Sarafan Turel- Eh, forget about her. We don't need a narrator.   
  
*clunk, clunk, clunk*  
  
Sarafan Zephon- What the hell is that?  
  
*clunk, clunk, clunk*  


Sarafan Turel- The sound of something going 'clunk'.

Sarafan Zephon- *sarcastically* No kidding.

  
Sarafan Dumah- I'm guessing it's the sound of Moebius walking over to the changing screen. *whispers* The old perv.  
  
Sarafan Raziel- That's more than a little ridiculous, isn't it?  
  
Sarafan Melchiah- Well he pissed off the Narrator. All we've got are crappy sound effects and dialogue.  
  
Moebius- Oh shut up, all of you! *WOOSH*  
  
*Gasps*  
  
Anamae- What?! What is it?!  
  
Sarafan Melchiah- You're, the four of you are-  
  
Syvia- We're playing 'Twister'. You have a problem?  
  
Janos- We're in quite an amusing array of positions here... why isn't anyone describing them?  
  
Sarafan Turel- Moebius angered the Narrator.  
  
SR Raziel- MOEBIUS?!  
  
*screams and shouts*  
  
Anamae- Ow! My collarbone!  
  
Syvia- Ughhh. Damn, Raz, could you give us a few seconds to get untangled next time?  
  
SR Raz- Sorry.

*extended silence*  


Anamae- Narrator? Narrator...? Oh come on Narrator, please come back! The story isn't the same without you.  
  
Sarafan Dumah- Yeah, you won't be able to harp on and on about my greatness, which is pretty great all by itself!  
  
Sarafan Melchiah- We need to have a running description and let's face it, without you the story isn't the same. Don't listen to Moebius, he's just a jerk.  
  
Moebius- Hey!  
  
SR Raziel- It's the truth. I was hoping you'd narrate the funny predicament I was in with Syvia, it was almost like a 69 and-  
  
Sarafan Rahab- Alright! Too much information there!!!  
  
Syvia- Come back, _please_?  
  
Well, all right, since it seems I have so many fans. ^_^ Okay, now on with the story.  
  
Sarafan Zephon- Woo-hoo! Now we can finally move on to the good stuff.  
  
Moebius looked over at SR Raziel, Janos, Anamae and Syvia standing side by side. Behind the Time Streamer were the six lieutenants, who had somehow managed to pull themselves out of the canyon and complete the crossword puzzle at the same time.  
  
Sarafan Rahab- *smirking* The magic word in today's crossword was 'Martyr'. Why do I have a feeling someone is about to _become _one?  
  
Moebius- *evil grin* Kill Janos!  
  
Janos- Why do you want to kill me?  
  
Sarafan Raziel- Because you are a menace to society! You haven't paid your taxes in years! You haven't even taken a weekend with the Pain Monster because of that!  
  
SR Raziel- Shut up, past self of me!  
  
Sarafan Raziel- *shocked* What did you say?

Syvia- Yeah, what _did _you say? Because that sentence was pretty bad, grammatically speaking, and I'm sure you broke about five-  
  
Anamae- *clearing her throat* Excuse me, I'll clear all of this up. Sarafan Raziel, this guy over here all in blue and with the cowl across his face is you in the future. See, what happens is that if you guys kill Janos here, and take the Soul Reaver, then this Raziel will follow you back to the fortress and kill you one by one.  
  
Syvia- Then Kain, a nobleman who will be born about 530 years after your deaths, will resurrect you all as vampires when he becomes the ruler of Nosgoth. You'll become the one thing that you don't want to become! Moebius already knows about all of this and he thinks it's a worthy sacrifice. You're all-  
  
Anamae & Syvia- Doomed if you continue down this road and kill Janos.  
  
Moebius- WHAT?! You girls have ruined my plots, my careful plans and preparations, which have taken years and years-  
  
Then Moebius looked at the Sarafan Warlords and realized that with the looks they were giving him, he didn't have to worry about any well-laid plans. All he had to worry about was getting out alive.  
  
Sarafan Turel- *amazed* You were going to have us killed?  
  
Sarafan Zephon- *glaring* You bastard.  
  
Sarafan Dumah- *hands clenched on the hilt of his sword* I will kill you where you stand... and I will make it slow... and extremely painful!

  
Sarafan Raziel- And I will not be turned into that! *points to SR Raziel*  
  
SR Raziel- HEY! I resent that!  
  
Anamae- *smirking* So, is everyone in agreement on taking out Moebius?  
  
Everyone (including me!) agreed and charged after the Time Streamer.  


==============================

Syvia- *sighs* Ech- no smut then. *smirks* Just innuendo. ^_^

Anamae- And in the next chapter! *ding ding* Moebius Torture!!! *and the crowd goes wild* 

Syvia- One hundred reviews or further, please. ^_^

Moebius- Don't you ladies for once wish not to harm a defenseless old man such as I? Do you even want to know why I'm doing this? Don't you even care?!

Anamae & Syvia- *They think about it for a minute* ....NO!!! *they pelt Moebius with tomatoes* 


	11. The Second Favorite Past Time of LoK Fic...

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: The few things we own are listed here; ourselves and the Narrator. Bucky the former chipmunk was inspired by the squirrel from _The Emperor's New Groove_. Crazy Dragon is responsible for the appearance of Janos' Porn Star T-shirt, as she was the one to draw him wearing it. 

Anamae- Oh, and we don't own Crystarr either... not _officially _anyway. *winks*

Author's Notes: *The girls are seated at a posh table, dressed in high-necked, olde English type dresses, with tea cups in their hands. Anamae keeps tugging at the neck of hers. Her face slowly turns purple as Bucky looks on unconcerned.*

Syvia- *snooty version of a British accent* Here we are at Malfoy Manor-

Anamae- *cuts the collar apart with plot hole scissors and gasps* Or the set of _Masterpiece Theater_. Take your pick.

Syvia- With nine reviews. The first two are from- **The Cat of Fluff**- 

Anamae- Oooh, bold print. Does this mean something is going on between you and the feline?!

Syvia- *raises her eyebrow and adopts an expression that matches the dress* Only that I'm tired of seeing the reviewers' names lost among our conversations. *clears throat* Moving right along- ^_^ Yep! Boo to Moebius :-p He should die and burn in hell.. except that he'd have too many friends there.

Anamae- You can say that again. *to CoF* His whole _family _is there.

Syvia- He should die and burn-

Anamae- I didn't mean that literally! :-p He'll get his comeuppance sooner or later. 

Syvia- But CoF gave us a duplicate review, shouldn't I give the exact same answer?

Anamae- ... Moving on! To **Fallen Templar**- *both girls grin at the extended rant* We'll remember to save the eye for you, but _I _want the staff! :-D

Syvia- Feel the need for a long, pointy weapon, do you? *Anamae glares* Next, from **Rocker Baby**- *they wait for the rant to end* Calm down, hon. We know what we're doing. *smirks* And even if we didn't- it can't be changed now anyway. By the way, you've got an appointment with my Muse for that violent WCWN review you gave me.

Anamae- *smirks* It isn't _nice _to mess with Missus Author. *both grin evilly* Next, to **Discordia**- Oh Moby will get his, *Wayne impression* oh yes, he _will _get his. Syvia likes innuendo, that's where we got the Twister idea. :-p And thanks for the offer. ^_^ 

Syvia- **Concept of a Demon**- *big grin, starts chanting Kill Moe softly*

Anamae- *lmao* It was an odd twister position, that's all I know, and it killed some time while we waited for the Sarafan. *shrugs*

Syvia- To **Plink**- *lol* It was funnier that way!

Anamae- **Raziella**- Here's the chapter ^_^ Enjoy it with a _passion_! *makes a dramatic gesture with her hands. 

Syvia- *looks at her* Uh-huh. **Chalcedony**- We all loved it. ^_^

Thank you very, very much! I don't know what I'd do without my fans! *tries to hug Chalcedony, but can't really do it, as she has no arms, settles for giving her a peck on the cheek* ^_^ *sighs gently* Ah the trials of being a narrator.

Anamae- *clears throat* And last but not least, **Crystarr**- Thank you, hon! ^_^ *lmao* That's a good idea! *pulls open a plot hole and hefts a watermelon thoughtfully* Now all we need is a bulls eye. *evil grin*

The Second Favorite Past Time of LoK Fic Writers

Moebius ran out the door- the Lieutenants chased him- so did Janos, fallen Raz, Syvia, Anamae, Bucky and I. Moebius pelted down the icy hallway at an amazing pace.... until I decided to make him slip and fall on a patch of ice.  
  
Moebius- *looks up, confused* Wha...? Whoop! *thud*  
  
The group pounced and tied him up.   
  
Sarafan Rahab- *POUNCE* With what?  
  
*some rope drops out of thin air* That.  
  
Syvia- Wow, you're pretty handy to have on the offensive team. ^_^  
  
Bucky gave me a thumbs up, which I could only return in spirit, as I have no hands. The Sarafan lifted Moebius by the arms and they stood there, looking at each other.  
  
Anamae- Uh... what do we do now?   
  
Syvia- Well....  
  
Wait! The next segment was inspired by the Bikers Bar scene Pee-Wee's big Adventure. Then everyone looked at Syvia.  
  
Anamae- *groans in disgust* Syv, you actually like that movie? It gave me nightmares...  
  
Syvia- *dangerous look* You have a problem with that?  
  
Everyone was quick to assure her that, no, they had no problems with that. Except Sarafan Zephon, who wanted to _make _a problem. After Syvia *edited due to graphic violence*, Zephon decided the problem wasn't really worth talking about. Now back to the Pee-Wee sequence.  
  
Anamae- I say- _we kill him_!  
  
*everyone cheers*  
  
Syvia- I say we beat him senseless, _then _we kill him!  
  
*everyone cheers*

Bucky- Squreak squean squeaker (I say we smash him over the head with a watermelon!)

*everyone looks at him strangely for a moment, half not having understood Squirrelish, the other half not having understood why use a watermelon, then they shrug and cheer*

  
Sarafan Melchiah- I say we _skin _him, then we kill him.  
  
*everyone cheers* (Rahab- You and skin again...)

  
Sarafan Zephon- I say we _hang _him!  
  
*everyone cheers*

  
Sarafan Rahab- I say we drown him, then resuscitate him, _then _we kill him!  
  
*everyone cheers* (Hi, it's me, the narrator.)

  
Sarafan Dumah- I say we _stab him fifty times_, then kill him!  
  
*everyone cheers* (I'm speaking in parentheses so I won't spoil the mood.)

  
Sarafan Turel- I say we _break every bone in his body_!

  
*everyone cheers* (That's Syvia's job, after all.)

  
Sarafan Raziel- I say we beat him senseless! *everyone cheers* Then we do whatever Bucky said! *everyone cheers* Then we skin him! *everyone cheers* _Then _we drown him! *everyone cheers* _Then _we resuscitate him! *everyone cheers* _Then we stab him_! *everyone cheers* _Then _we break every bone in his body, and _then _we kill him!  
  
*everyone cheers* (This kind of thinking is why he's the leader.)   
  
Moebius- *pretending to be one of the crowd* I say we let him go!  
  
Everyone-*cheering* _Nooooo!_  
  
SR Raz- *whistles- don't ask, grabs Moebius by the tunic and stands nose to nose with the Time Streamer* I say you let _me _have him first.  
  
*everyone cheers* (For the last time, thank you God, the cheering was getting on my nerves.)  
  
Moebius- Wait, wait! Don't I get a last request?  
  
Everyone was against it... except the most important person in the group.  
  
Janos- It's only fair.  
  
We all argued about why is would be a very bad idea, but Janos wasn't turning back. So we untied Moebius and he borrowed Sarafan Melchiah's elevator boots.   
  
Anamae- NO! NO! HE IS NOT GOING TO DO 'TEQUILA'! I refuse to be subjected to that horror! I hate that bloody song and the dance that goes with it!  
  
Moebius- That's not why I wanted the shoes.  
  
Everyone- It wasn't?  
  
Then Moebius proceeded to kick all of the men in the groins while wearing the elevator boots, which was the only way he could do any damage through their armor. Then he ran off with SR Raziel, Anamae, Syvia, Bucky (and of course, me) in pursuit.  
  
SR Raziel- If only Janos weren't so evenhanded.  
  
Syvia- We couldn't agree with you more.   


Anamae- Get Moebius! He's suppose to die! The reviewers wish it so!  
  
Syvia- Then we beat him in all the ways Sarafan Raziel described!  
  
So while Janos was left to get icepacks for the Sarafan warriors, (who were calling for their mothers) the girls, one pissed off animal and a Reaver called Raziel chased after Moebius, who for an old man who had just slipped and fallen on ice, was still going incredibly fast, sliding down the hallway on his bony butt.  
  
Anamae- We're gonna kick the crap outta you!  
  
SR Raziel- You stole my life, my soul, and my freedom! Now you will pay for it in blood!  
  
Syvia- *really getting into the chase* Crush! Burn! Kill! Destroy!  
  
Now I thought this was all well and good but the girls might need backup. So I did what any narrator would do when there is justice to be meted out.  
  
Moebius- You're letting me go?  
  
Hell no! All of the sudden, appearing right in front of the Time Streamer was the one, the only, the very powerful and not to mention available Kain, vampire ruler of all Nosgoth!  
  
Kain- How did I get here? *sees Moebius, grins evilly* Not that it matters...  
  
Anamae- Wait Kain we at least need to recover 50 percent of the body!  
  
Syvia- *grimaces* I don't think that matters at this point.  
  
Kain raced after Moebius with the others behind him. The Soul Reaver flashed in the dying light, cutting the air with every moment of Kain's arm. Moebius screamed like the little girl he really was as he raced across the marble corridors, working his way out of Janos' retreat. However, since we all hate him - save Janos who is always too nice to everyone, even scam artists - the Time Streamer slipped on the ice and fell full on his face. It didn't help his looks because Moebius had been damn ugly to begin with.  
  
Moebius- Hey, I have feelings too, you know.  
  
Syvia- No one cares, old man!  
  
Anamae- *looming over him, holding a watermelon* And now we can begin to torture you! *giggles hysterically*  
  
SR Raziel- Kain, will you do the honors this one time?  
  
Kain tied the manipulative bastard up again. With Bucky riding on Moebius' head, shoving watermelon rinds into his mouth and Raziel kicking at his ribs, the four, dragged him back to Janos' chamber. There the Sarafan warriors sat on cushy chairs, holding ice packs to their man parts and watching T.V. as Janos passed around hot chocolate and food. Really, he was a good guy... once you got past the blue skin, wings, fangs and the need for blood. But some people like blue skin! Why, I know this girl in-  
  
Janos- *interrupting* Kain! You're here?  
  
Kain- Yeah, the narrator added me to savor the spice which only I can add to this aimless parody. *cheesy grin*  
  
SR Raziel- Oh shut up.  
  
Raziel, be nice.  
  
Anamae- Yeah Raz be nice. *places her hand in his own* I like you the way you are.  
  
SR Raziel- *brightening* Really?  
  
Syvia- Umm, Anamae. *whispers in her ear* You already have Faustus, you know. *points to the ring that Anamae is _still _wearing*  
  
Anamae- *whispering* I know, but Raziel here needs some TLC. *grins* You can go after Janos.  


Syvia- *tapping a crowbar in her palm* I'd rather go after Moebius. *evil grin*

It should be known at this moment that Syvia does not mean that in a romantic sense; she just wants to beat the ever loving shit out of him!

Syvia- *looking blandly at the narrator* Um, yeah, I thought that was evident by the big f!$*#&@ CROWBAR I'm holding here! *holds it up*

I'm just trying to make sure they understand!

Syvia- This is exactly my problem with you- you dissemble! You could narrate so succinctly, but you just carry on and on! *everyone looks at Syvia and the narrator with bored expressions on their faces*

But that's my job! I'm supposed to be a tiresome, babbling, longwinded narrator!

Anamae- *tiredly* Syv, apologize to the narrator so we can get to the mutilation, okay?

Syvia- *sullenly* I'm sorry.

  
*huffily* Kain had finished tying Moebius from the rafters. Now eleven pairs of eyes...well twelve if you include mine, and _thirteen _if you count the mouse living in the corner of Janos' house, looked at the evil old man.

*Syvia looks furiously at Anamae, gesturing at the narrator as if to say 'This is exactly what I'm talking about.' Anamae gives Syvia a 'sit down and shut up' look.*  
  
Sarafan Raziel- Now we get to beat him up!   


Okay, I _would_ describe this next sequence, because it involves some marvelous torture and more than one beating, but in the interest of keeping the little children innocent, I won't say anything.   
  
All the Readers- Awwwwwwww!  
  
Sorry guys. *Moebius can be heard screaming in the background* I will say that the kiddies had fun beating the snot out of Moebius. That part was kind of disgusting, all that snot everywhere... and the blood and bits of skin that were flayed off... but fun all the same! Oh! I know! Just use your imaginations! *Moebius screaming very shrilly* Imagine all the awful things you'd like to do to Moebius and pretend they did it! You'll come close.   
  
All the Readers- Wahhh-hoo!  
  
Moebius- *looking at the red hot poker in Kain's hand* Oh c'mon, please don't do this to me! I promise that I'll be nicer, I promise!!!!

Janos looked dubious at hearing this statement, and frowned. Anamae noticed.  
  
Anamae- Don't listen to him, Janos. *claps her hands over his ears* Moebius spews lies out of his lips and various other areas of his body that are best left unmentioned.  
  
Bucky- Squeakky! (That's disgusting.)  
  
Syvia- It's the damn truth!  
  
Well, the Sarafan generals got out cudgels -those baseball bats with rusty nails stuck through the wood that give people diseases- (Syvia- They do?) and a couple of pillows. Then Syvia slapped them upside the heads and made them trade the feathers in the pillows for bricks. Then they proceeded to play Whack-A-Moebius until the wee hours of the morning while Kain, fallen Raziel and I discussed serious things.  
  
Kain- No, you cannot put garlic butter with shrimp. It simply won't go.  
  
SR Raziel- But I liked garlic shrimp. *Moebius is screaming in the background*  
  
Kain- Hey, I remember feeding them to you when you were young. You had bad gas for a whole week.  
  
Really? I didn't know that!  
  
SR Raziel- *huffily* Shut up, Kain. Just shut up! You still have those fluffy pink slippers that Melchiah gave you.  
  
Kain- Hey, I only wore them to keep from upsetting him. Melchiah was the most emotionally sensitive of the six of you.  
  
Sarafan Melchiah- Did I hear my name? ...And what was that about slippers?  
  
Syvia- Don't listen to them, honey. Here, hit Moebis in the sweet spot. *hands Melchiah a pickaxe, which he swings at Moebius' nose, breaking it* ...Not what I meant, but good all the same.  
  
Anamae- *draws Syvia off to the side of the chamber* Syvia, I just noticed a problem.  
  
Syvia- *worried look* What?  
  
Anamae- Haven't we technically screwed up everything? Now that Janos isn't dead, that means the Sarafan generals won't die, Kain won't bring them back as vamps and SR Raziel over there won't exist.  
  
So _now _you girls figure this out!  
  
Syvia- *alarmed look* ...Oops....

  
==========================================

Anamae- So, have we screwed up the time continuum of Nosgoth by beating up Moebius and averting the Nemesis war?

Syvia- Ten reviews and you'll find out! ^_^

Anamae- I think we _have _made it worse. Worse than it was in Blood Omen 2...

Syvia- What makes you say that?

*Anamae points to Vorador and his brides in a Greyhound, pulling into a drive-thru wedding chapel*

Syvia- *wide eyes* I see...


	12. Good News and Bad News But First the Bad...

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: The few things we own are listed here; ourselves and the Narrator. Bucky the former chipmunk was inspired by the squirrel from _The Emperor's New Groove_. Crazy Dragon is responsible for the appearance of Janos' Porn Star T-shirt, as she was the one to draw him wearing it. 

Anamae- We (or rather _I_, unofficially) own Crystarr, and bought the rights to his watermelon gag. ^_^ *cuddles Crystarr*

Author's Notes: *Syvia and Anamae are sitting up against the pillar of Balance in hooded cloaks, sharing a blanket, which has been tucked in around their legs to create a little table for the reviews. Bucky pokes his head out of Syvia's hood for a moment, chitters irritably at the cold before hiding back in the cloak.*

Syvia- I realized just now that we never took the time to visit this place during the story.

Anamae- And why? Because it's cold! *shivers in her cloak* We don't have any cushions for our butts, so mine hurts and is cold and I can't feel my toes-

Syvia- *pulls a mug of hot coco out of a plot hole* Here- drink this.

Anamae- No coffee, or even booze? *pouts* 

Syvia- I don't want you to fall asleep while reading the reviews. 

Anamae- *sighs* Okay. To **Concept of a Demon**- You're in a straightjacket? *winces* I can relate. I have one at home and wear it when I feel strange.

Syvia- *raises an eyebrow at her* Indeed. Next, to **Crystarr**- :-D Happy to oblige. ^_^ *pats him on the back* *light sarcasm* Nope, you don't belong to _anyone_! *Crystarr turns to walk away, displaying the message on his back. "If found, please return to the LoK EB"

Anamae- *snickers* **Fallen Templar**- *holds it up in a little baggie* Here you go.

Actually, I abhor violence.

Syvia- Oh sweetie, you _definitely_ shouldn't have taken this job. **Raziella D. Reaver**- ^_^ Next chapter up! *grins* ...Mooooooooole....

Anamae- Don't do that. *Syvia smirks* Next, to **Morbid Knight**- 

*both of the girls first look enthusiastic about her liking Kain, then look disgusted as she eats the other fan girls* 

*Anamae holds her hands up in a placating manner* Hey, I'm a Faustus-Fan, no competition from me! *sly look* And although I have competition for my Fausty, accidents _do _happen... to _many _people.

Syvia- And I admit I'm a fan of Fallen Raz. *everyone looks at her oddly* Not in a smut way, nutty people. *sighs* Next, to **GoT**- *evil grin* Yes! We _did _skin him and dip him in salt! You wouldn't believe how he screamed! How will we get out? ^_^ You'll see.

Anamae- **Discordia**- *grins* Yes it is, isn't it? Well, we don't really worry about the time alteration. *wide, happy grin*

Syvia- *smirks at Anamae* Well, maybe _you _don't. To **Temperamence**- Thanks! ^_^

Anamae- To **The Cat of Fluff- **Thanks hon! Read on and find out. 

Syvia- And last but not least- to **Chalcedony Blue**- It was a good effort, but as this is LoK, a wasted one. *sighs* Few people ever _really _get along here. *shrugs* 

Good News and Bad News (But First- the Bad News)

Syvia- Well, actually, we can't have messed anything up, cause Fallen Raz and Kain are still here, and Nosgoth didn't go 'boom'.  
  
Anamae- Yeah... but how is that possible? I mean... *whispers* if we haven't changed anything- *indicates the Sarafan Generals* then they're still going to die, but how is it going to happen?  
  
Sarafan Melchiah- *off to the side* Ow! You broke my nose!  
  
Sarafan Dumah- I didn't do it on purpose.  
  
Sr Mel- Liar!!!!!!  
  
With that, Sarafan Melchiah raised his spear and rushed at his fellow warrior.  
  
Sr Turel- Hey!   
  
And Turel helped defend Dumah.  
  
Sr Rahab- Now that's not fair at all.  
  
And Rahab faced off against Dumah and Turel, aiding Melchiah.  
  
Janos- Boys- now boys-   
  
The winged one waded into the fight, trying to calm the Sarafan down. He tripped on someone's boot, however and- *gasps*  
  
Syvia- Janos!  
  
Anamae- You killed Janos!  
  
Kain- You bastard!  
  
Janos was impaled upon Sr Raziel's arm blade and his heart fell out of his chest, quite messily. Everything stopped and they all looked at it.  
  
Sr Turel- Look at his black heart- how it still beats!  
  
Syvia and Anamae exchanged wry, disgusted looks at this comment, Bucky rolled his eyes.   
  
Janos- Oh bloody hell... *falls to the floor*  
  
Then... oh! not good! not good!  
  
Soul Reaver Raziel- You _idiots_!   
  
And he promptly- ugh! I can't narrate anymore.  
  
Bucky- Squeakity. (Fine. I will.)  
  
Squeaker squeak squee, squeaker squeakkkkkkk.  
(Raziel proceeded to kill the Sarafan in the most bloody, the most horrific way possible, while Kain, Syvia and Anamae watched, wide-eyed, and Moebius snickered behind his gag.)  


Anamae- What the (enter swear words from five different languages here) happened?  
  
Syvia shrugged and Kain looked around worriedly.  
  
Kain- Okay... the chances of me getting blamed for this are about eighty percent or higher, so...goodbye!  
  
With that, Kain raced off, leaving Anamae and Syvia in the center of the carnage. Moebius was still dangling from the rope, laughing and yelling through the gag one of the (now dead) Sarafan had tied around his head.

Moebius- *behind the gag* My plan! My brilliant plan worked!

Anamae- Oh _please_! You are _not _about to convince me that you thought this whole thing up!

Then she bashed him over the head, knocking him unconscious and finally, _finally_ getting him to shut up.  
  
Syvia- *grimacing, sighs* This is disgusting.  
  
Anamae- *disgusted face* I wouldn't clean this even if someone offered to pay. *nudges Janos' body*

Syvia glared at her and Anamae subsided, looking guiltily away. Raz kicked one of the Sarafan, the corpses were too bloody to be identified, in the ribs.  
  
Soul Reaver Raziel- I agree. In fact, I'm leaving and not coming back! *vanishes to...somewhere*

Bucky- Squea squeakin squeaa. (Of _course _he is, since he made most of the mess in the first place.)  
  
Suddenly the portal opened up again in front of Syvia and Anamae. Above it was a sign reading: 'To Go Elsewhere, Please Walk Into Portal. Watch Your Head.' The girls looked at each other while I looked over the bloody mess. No one would be able to get the bloodstains out of that carpet... which is a shame since Janos had had it since....well, since forever! He'd gotten it as a wedding present. He and his hubby'd drunk their five-hundredth anniversary toast on it. A child had even been conceived there! *Anamae, Syvia and Bucky's expressions steadily become more and more miserable* ...But we don't need to say anything more....*looks at the mess and the carpet*....damn, those memories are _gone_!  
  
Syvia- *whispers* Should we go into the portal?  
  
Anamae- *sighs* Nothing else here for us. And I guess we couldn't save Janos. Fate is obviously against us.   
  
_Now _you figure that out.

Anamae- At least we _tried_. *sarcastically* The lesson for today, kids, is 'trying to change the future is pointless'.

Syvia- *worriedly* Okay, now you're starting to sound like Moebius-

Anamae- *looks up at her* Oh shit, you're right! God, things aren't that bad, are they?!

Then they looked out over the sea of bloodied carpet and marble flooring- that really nice black and white marble that-  
  
Syvia- Could you _please_ shut up? I feel bad at the moment.  
  
For the carpet?  
  
Syvia- *glares daggers at the narrator*  


Anamae- _I _feel bad for the carpet.... Okay- we failed to change the course of history, and everyone's dead. But we didn't blow up Nosgoth- so things aren't _all_ bad.  
  
Syvia- *sighs and nods* True.  
  
Bucky- Squeakity squeak squeak. (Haven't you both forgotten someone?)  
  
The girls looked at Bucky curiously.  
  
Bucky- (A rather handsome vampire with long black hair?)  
  
Anamae- *gasps* Faustus is still hanging around here somewhere!  
  
Faustus- No I'm not.  
  
Syvia screamed and whirled around. Faustus had come up behind her without anyone noticing. The girl tried to calm her heart and was knocked over as Anamae enthusiastically greeted her beau. They began to kiss and Syvia hastily pulled a rolled up newspaper from her plot hole, which she used to beat the couple over the head.  
  
Syvia- Not in the middle of the murder scene! You two can have your smut later. Have you no decency?!  
  
Anamae unlocked herself from Faustus' lips and whispered to him what they would do when later occurred. Faustus grinned smugly. Bucky chittered in amusement and climbed to Syvia's shoulder. The four of them looked at the portal.  
  
Anamae- Let's go over this for a sec...  
  
Syvia- Uh-huh?  
  
Anamae- We just had a nice little adventure in Nosgoth, about 500 years before the pillars are scheduled to be corrupted, and we tried to stop Janos and the Sarafan guys from getting killed.  
  
Syvia- Uh-huh.  
  
Anamae- We failed miserably.  
  
Syvia- *sighs* Uh-huh.  
  
Anamae- And as soon as we failed miserably, a portal from who knows where opened up in front of us.  
  
Syvia thought about that for a few moments, looked at the portal, and then back to Anamae, who had been holding Faustus' hand the whole time. .... That's so cute. ^_^  
  
Syvia- Narrator, could we stick to the relevant material please?  
  
Sorry.  
  
Syvia- S'okay. All in all, Anamae- yes.  
  
Anamae- Okay, just wanted to make sure. Shall we?  
  
Faustus- Ladies first.   
  
They smiled at him and moved towards the portal. Syvia looked at it apprehensively for a moment before she and Bucky jumped in. Anamae gave Faustus a peck on the cheek and they stepped through together....  
  
They came to, lying face down in the middle of a dimly lighted street. The quartet looked up curiously.  
  
Faustus- Heh... it seems I'm home.  
  
And so he was. Anamae, Syvia and Bucky rose to their feet and looked with wide eyes upon the city of Meridian.

~To Be Continued~

===================================

Syvia- *seriously* You know what this means, Anamae.

*They look soberly at each other, then at the readers, then begin to dance around, chanting*

Both- Se-quel, se-quel, se-quel! *laughing and waving flaming sticks*

Anamae- ^_^ Yep, we'll be putting out Part two. 

Syvia- As soon as I write new chapters for my other stuff.

Anamae- That's right! Please review- especially if you've never done so before! We want to hear your comments, and generally what you think of the fluff and how horribly we managed to mess things up. :-p 

Syvia- So, you thought we'd let Janos live, did you?

Anamae- Well the narrator _did _say that only Moebius would die.

Syvia- Well, what can we say, she lies.

I do not!

Syvia- Do too!

Do not!

Syvia- Do too!

Anamae- See you in LoK Fluff 2! *Syvia and the narrator continue to argue in the background*


End file.
